The Magical Musical Messcapades of a Juicy Girl in L.A.

2012: Please sir, can I have some more?

2012-01-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

Is it weird that I started crying last night as soon as Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin said, "10...9..." and was a blubbering mess by "Happy New Year!"...? Alone in my apartment with a nasty cold, probably too much medicine in my system and a cup of cocoa, I've never cried tears of joy to see any single year pass before in all of my years.

As a friend of mine posted on Twitter last night, "Good-bye 2011, you raggedy b***h!"

Preach.

I have tossed the subject matter of this blog around in my head nearly the entire month of December. I have not wanted to revisit the s**t I've been through this year (sorry Jesus, sometimes four letters are all that will do). I haven't wanted to write one more single negative, sad, depressing, angry, bitter, whiny thing. I haven't wanted to re-open the wound on the pain, grief, fear, rejection, loneliness, desperation, want and failure (or at least the perception of these things) I've experienced the majority of the last twelve months. I also don't want to allow myself to wallow in it for one more solitary second.

I've had way, way, WAY too much to drink at this particular pity party. Time to put that stupid sorority girl to bed.

And so goodbye 2011, you raggedy b***h, indeed.

This is not to say the whole year's been a wash, because some wonderful things have indeed happened, cuz ya know...that's life and stuff. I had some fun performances, released my very first official music video, recorded and released my first holiday single ever, booked my first paid acting jobs ever, been nominated for TWO All Indie Music Awards (please vote in the alternative and rock categories!), a good friend was in a terrible car accident in which he probably shouldn't have even lived but is expected to make a full recovery, a few scum bucket political figures are dead, the war in Iraq is over, no one's getting kicked out of the military anymore because of who they love, my little twin pseudo-nieces' faces still light up when they see me even though they are big girls in kindergarten now (I will slurp up that nectar of the gods as long as I'm allowed), I still have a car that runs and a roof over my head, all my siblings are gainfully employed, my dad just got a new job where he gets to help people in need (which he loves to do) and my mom got a cell phone (wait...maybe the Mayans are right... ).

All that said, this year, in the same spirit as fellow blogger and body acceptance activist Ragen Chastain, I am not making resolutions to eliminate anything "bad" from my life. I just got out of a year of foolishly feeding my perception of lack, grieving the literal death of a friend as well as the death of a relationship with another, so fuggeddaboudat. I'm not gonna lose anything else...no. more. loss. 2012 is going to be THE YEAR OF MORE for me:

More smiling and laughter.
More time with people who love me for who I am and where I am in my life right now instead of where they think I should be.
More dancing and moving my body in ways that are enjoyable to me and make me stronger.
More songwriting (since I didn't write a single song last year, this should be easy!)
More performing.
More connecting with people in my field of expertise.
More recording.
More travel.
More hugs.
More assistance in helping other people discover their own voices.
More food that fuels me and keeps me healthy.
More senseless acts of kindness to others.
More sharing - of my things, my time, my gifts and my heart.
More sleep.
More attempts at new things that quite possibly terrify me.
More consciously choosing joy.
More listening.
More auditions.
More learning (particularly brushing up my sight-singing skills and taking acting classes).
More reading.
More respecting and accepting myself.
More appreciating my body for the amazing and intricately running soft machine that it is.
More speaking to myself in edifying and encouraging ways.
More feeling good.
More peace.
More money (as long as we're at it...).
More believing that as a Creation and Manifestation of the Divine, I am perfectly and wonderfully made RIGHT NOW.

MORE BEING THE REAL ME, BECAUSE I AM ENOUGH.

This mug was given to me by one of my teachers in high school as a graduation gift and I still have it and use it to this day. I think she is the only teacher who ever truly "got" me and it took me years to realize it (Thanks, Miss Hintz!). This morning, as I made my final decision on how to approach this year-end blog, I thought it fitting to use it for this year's first cup of coffee.

WELCOME, 2012. GIMME MORE.

Sober Up

2011-11-16T02:46:00.000-08:00

The moment when you realize through your grief that losing a loved one is not about you is quite sobering...even if you're stone cold drunk when it hits you.

Sober. Quite suddenly.

No, it's not about you begging the spirits of the departed to return in a ghostly form in front of you (at 3am as you get up to pee) and beg them to bestow their forgiveness upon you for all the crappy things you did or said to them while they were alive.

It's not about you damning them to hell for never owning up to some lie they went to their grave letting you believe, either...watching you twist in the wind in your guilt and never letting you off the hook.

It's not about you not knowing how to maintain or honor your loved one's wishes when he refused to deal with getting his affairs in order before his last days.

It's not about what it feels like for you when the workers come in to tear down lovingly built walls, tear up carpets, rip out intricately installed wiring, pull out moldings, throw away classic light fixtures and wash over every trace of your beloved's personality in a harsh, cold white, paint.

And it's not going to be about you the first time you allow some other currently-breathing carcass into his newly white-washed home, to show the place to a potential new resident and tell him or her stoically that he transitioned there. Yes, there. Right in that room. And by the way, you're inheriting an evil black cat if you move in. Boogeda boogeda boogeda!

Rather...it always has been and should be about him and his glorious new existence. He who is too busy being free and whole in mind, spirit and body to have time to come back to deal with you in a less-than-fabulous specter-esque form just to give you permission to quit feeling sorry for yourself. He does not care of the things of this world any longer and would frankly have little patience for the fact that you do.

He just might, however, come back long enough to terrify you into soiling yourself a little if an Archangel should get word to him about what's been going down with Suzie Sadsack back on Earth. No doubt he'd get a giggle out of that, but soon enough he'd be frantic that curtain is in five and you're making him late.

Sober up. Not about you. His death...about HIM. Not you. HIM. And he's alive and full of light and racing around on fully developed legs and gorging his eyes with every delicious color and shape ever Created, now available to him with 20/20 vision. The joy you should feel by simply imagining what he is seeing, feeling and experiencing for the first time in 47 years should be enough for you to let your insignificant guilt go. Let. it. go. He doesn't care about your guilt, as he shouldn't. He does NOT care. There is now way too much living and celebrating and preparing for his next journey to do, too many more hearts that need to collide with his, too many stages to light, too many canvases to paint, too many beings' lives to touch in the next realm, because it's HIS death...and NOT YOURS. Absolutely. not. yours.

Let him have his death...because guaranteed, he wants you to have your life. Sober up.

For M.M.H. ♥

Una Poesia

2011-11-07T02:22:00.000-08:00

For M.M.H. ♥

What am I doing here
Nothing to show for all my sorrow
What proves I ever really existed
No one to give me just one bone-crushing hug
The kind you can collapse in
I so need one and yet there's no one
And somehow I mourn so deeply one
Who couldn't be that for me
The one true blue in all these years
The only one with the kindest words
The most selfless heart
The desire to please
Who showed his love with color and light
and wood and nails and paint
Though not bone-crushing hugs

And I didn't do enough
I never did enough
I never let myself consider doing
much of anything
He needs a project
Always a project
So self-sufficient
Never asked for help
And though I knew he needed some
I didn't offer
I just didn't
And now it's too late
And I knew it would be while I was in it
I saw this moment of guilt and grief
coming down the road
And still -- I did nothing
Until the point where I was forced
Not because I wanted to but because I had to
And everyone says "angel"
But I say "coward" and "creep"
and "user" and "narcissist"
Even though he'd have done it for me
No second thoughts
Bottles of piss cleaning my nails
feedings through straws
He'd lift me off the milkshake-cat-puke-covered floor
with his freakishly strong, painfully skinny arms
Without a single second thought
He'd lift me.

But I? Me? -- shook and fretted the whole time
Every touch another tear
Every caress across his brow guilt burning my skin
Every single minute still breathing is a new flame of terror
There are no flowers beneath my window this year
What color - you didn't tell me what color you want
Has he stopped yet
The breathing I mean.

He's gone now
Never coming home never never never
Name dying out -- gone for good
Evaporating with the heat of the cooling spotlight
And I'm all he had I'm what he got stuck with
And I wasn't enough
It wasn't fair
Seven years and I wasn't enough
"you were his angel"
bullshit shut up

Come home I want you to come home
Time to come home
Please come home
Release this
I can't feel this sick to my stomach anymore.

Somehow it's still about me.

A Better Day Will Come ~ Go On

2011-09-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

I was asked to be a guest contributor on my good friend Gene-Manuel's blog this week. I had already planned to write here on Messcapades about some personal experiences with the writing, recording and filming of "Go On (feat. Debby Holiday and Levi Kreis)" as well as the passing of my dear friend/neighbor Matt, so I went ahead with that and let Gene share it on his Whirling Blog. I hope you will check it out, leave some comments and become friends with the wonderful and talented Gene-Manuel!

The Whirling Blog - "A Better Day Will Come ~ Go On" by Darci Monet

And hey...if you haven't already, check out my beautiful new music video, Directed by Christopher Gregson and SHARE it with the world, k? Let's lift up some hearts. :-)

Go on, little brothers and sisters!

~Darci

The Voice = The Lie

2011-08-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: There will be some bitching in this post. As a person who is consciously making the choice to subscribe to the mentality that life is what I make of it (as best I can), I do however recognize that there are injustices in the world that cannot and should not be ignored. Only when people speak out and draw attention to them can things begin to change for the better. This is going to be one such blog.

Now that I've said all that, you're probably expecting me to get on my soapbox about marriage equality, child abuse or the separation of church and state. Not this time. This is all about my OTHER peeve...the lifelong one that never changes or goes away no matter how my opinions, politics, general outlook on life or the be-all-end-all numbers may change.

And here it is: how our society allows the complete dismissal - and often flat out abuse - of fat people. Guess what? THAT'S ME.

Today I auditioned for NBC's new smash hit talent competition, "The Voice." For the second season in a row. I did not get a call back last season and once again, I didn't get one this season. Now, if you're new here, before you assume my nose is out of joint because I'm delusional about my talent level as so many are, a) listen to my vocal reel, b) understand that I am a professional vocalist and vocal coach for a living and c) I've been on lots of auditions with no call back and rarely let it affect me -- I realize that I don't have the big picture and don't know what they're looking for...big deal. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm untalented or not good enough. So on to the next.

However, I take exception to this particular audition for the same reason as I did last season's...because it's a complete fraud.

Before I explain why, in the interest of fairness and because there is always something to be grateful for, let me first wax poetic on the GOOD things about today's audition:

1) I had to be there so early (7am - who sings before noon???) that traffic wasn't bad getting there or back at all. Zip, zip, zip. Thumbs up there!

2). It was at the L.A. Forum, where there is a huge parking lot, and they didn't charge anyone (usually $25 - yikes!). I got a very convenient space so I didn't have to walk far, either.

3) It was nice and cool and still foggy at that hour, so even though we were corralled in the parking lot, we weren't suffering under the blazing sun. And we were only out there about an hour and half, which for a process like this is a MIRACLE.

4) The whole thing was extremely organized. Everyone on staff knew what he/she was doing and we were herded and sectioned off with purpose and efficiency.

5) Everyone on staff - and I mean everyone, including the producer I sang for - was respectful, encouraging and cheerful. And they'd all been there since 5am and L.A. is the last city on the audition tour. So they could've been uber-hateful if they chose to be.

6) I was in my car and on my way home by 11:30am. X-Factor could certainly take a lesson on how to run a cattle call audition from The Voice. Four and a half hours for something like this is UNHEARD OF. Huge kudos to whoever designed the process for having their crap together.

7) I met some really nice people, including a woman who, as it turns out, is a mutual friend of one of my good friends. I always love when that happens!

So why do I feel duped?

This is a show that -- unlike any other talent competition show on television -- claims to be about THE. VOICE. Real talent. People who can actually sing. No, no, no...rather, SAAAANG. From day one American Idol has never claimed to be about finding the best talent. It's original title was "American Idol: The Search for a Superstar." Not "The Search for an Amazing Talent." They've always said, "Vote for your favorite," not "vote for the person you think sang the best." X-Factor is looking for "that indescribable thing" that Madonna, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift have...which is to say, certainly not their voices. But The Voice is all, "We want SERIOUS artists! No chicken suits! We want the best singers ever! AND we won't base it on your looks cuz the auditions are BLIND!!!" So I auditioned last season thinking that this was the ONE show I had an actual shot at. Last season as well, a good five or six of my friends who auditioned, phenomenal vocalists all, also didn't get call backs. I was stunned at who they turned down that could sing circles around ME!

This season, I auditioned out of pressure from well-meaning friends who believe in my talent (thanks friends, I love you for that!). In the group of ten I was auditioning with, no one outsang me. Not even close. My fellow contestants even gave me "oooohs" and "aaaaaahs" while I was singing and applause when I was done. Then this girl with a model's figure and a really perilous bleach job who looks eerily like Zooey Deschanel (but prettier) gets up, sings this wussy Colbie Callait song about kings or something, does some hand claps and hip-shaking and is magically asked to sing another song. Her voice is solid, but not a stunner and not even unique. It's a dime-a-dozen voice. This is proven further when she sings Leann Womack's "I Hope You Dance" and screams out the word "dance" with absolutely no nuance whatsoever.

When we're all finished singing, Zooey is asked by the producer to keep her cell phone on all day, while the rest of us are told, "The bar has been set really high this year, I heard some strong voices today but no one else is getting a call back. Thank you for coming." (At least he didn't say what last season's producer said to me: "Thank you, you can leave by the same door you came in.")

Uh...what? If Zooey's the high bar...then what was I? Or the three other people in the room who also sang much better than her and performed just as well...?

Oh...did I also mention Zooey's 24 and I'm...not?

I used to be a person who blamed every non-success I ever had (and there are many) on my weight and my age. I realize this blog may sound much like that, but I honestly no longer believe in in that crap. I think there is an audience for everyone with talent, all looks, shapes, sizes and ages. I refuse to subscribe any longer to the Hollywood mentality that I cannot work in this town because of these "isms". I want to make this very clear. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THE (SUB)STANDARD IN THIS TOWN. And since I changed this viewpoint in my life, things have been going pretty swimmingly, I must say.

But...what other explanation can there possibly be, when I blew the doors off that room -- for a second time -- to not have gotten even a call back? I'm not asking to win the whole dang thing, I'm simply thinking I am good enough to deserve a second shot! But I am not a stupid woman. I can see the look in a casting director or producer's eyes when I stand in front of them for the first time. That look I've been getting all my life...the disapproval, sometimes flat out disgust. I see their eyes gloss over and shut me out when they ask how old I am and I tell them (and why are they asking for a contest with supposedly no age limit anyway?). I usually try and be funny about it and say "Older than Britney but younger than Madonna!" Sometimes it gets a chuckle, sometimes it doesn't. I've also seen these looks on the faces in an audience from people who've never heard me sing before...but these looks dissipate as soon as the song begins. I always win them over once I sing.

Unless you're producing a televised singing competition show. Then apparently I couldn't get your attention if I ran around your little audition table in all my nekkid juiciferous splendor.

Yep, I probably sound conceited as hell. I don't care. I have allowed my insecurities to rule my life for a long time until the last couple years, but one thing I've never doubted is my talent. I know my worth as a vocalist and I know how good I am. And this simply makes no sense unless I was judged based on what I looked like. And I'm really, really weary of that. I'm really weary of our society continuing to allow this to happen. From the minute we come into this world we are bombarded with images of what women are supposed to look like, our magazines are full of "get thin fast" crap, our First Lady is waging a war with all the focus on childhood obesity instead of placing focus on improving school lunches (which basically sounds like this to a kid: "You're fat and are therefore so worthless that even the President's wife hates you"), the first thing out of every doctor's mouth when someone like me has so much as a sniffle is, "Well, if you'd lose some weight...", clothing options are hideous (don't get me started there), in tv and film Hollywood ridicules overweight people constantly (it's the only group of people left that is ok to bully and humiliate with no repercussions, apparently), airlines have created discriminatory policies focused specifically on humiliating fat people (and get away with it) and running the whole shebang is a diet industry raping us of billions of dollars annually with their lies, unsupported "studies", unhealthy weight loss options and general panic and fear that has seeped into the deepest fabric of our society, including our health insurance industry. Our children, particularly the females, are taught practically from birth that what they look like is all that matters and if they're not a "normal size" (what IS that, anyway?) they are unworthy of enjoying or participating in their lives, are deserving of cruelty and rejection and ought to feel ashamed of thinking they deserve to be treated otherwise. So in short, I was taught to hate myself from nearly the minute I was born by my own damned country. Long before my family ever started in!

Can you imagine what that feels like, being barraged by messages of rejection, hatred and unworthiness every day of your life from your earliest memory?

I bet some of you sure can.

"The Voice" touts itself as a true talent search, makes the average home-viewing American believe that everyone who gets up to sing has never been seen by a single pair of eyes before and this is the ultimate in vocal talent they could find in the country. Bullshizzlefrickasee! I'm perfectly aware that reality tv is the furthest thing from it, but this particular show is the biggest, fattest, fakest lie of them all (*cough* Mark Burnett *cough*). And I can't take it anymore. This rejection and hatred for fat people (particularly those of use over 30) is an injustice in our society and my industry just as much as racism, gay bashing, abuse, animal cruelty, etc. It's GOT to stop.

I don't care if my weight makes you feel uncomfortable. This isn't about you and what you want. This is about me, my life and what I want. And I want to share my talents with people, because that is what my Maker has called me to do. You don't get to choose for me. You don't get to decide whether I'm allowed to live my dreams or not. So get over yourself, get out of His way and get out of mine.

Yeah NBC...I'm talkin' to you.

"Go On" Music Video Final Shoot

2011-08-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

"Stand up and walk out of your history." ~Phil McGraw

Yup. Dr. Phil. One of my other favorite pearls of his wisdom is "If insight were lard, I couldn't barely grease a skillet with you." However, that is not the sentiment we are focusing on in this blog.

After two years...yes, TWO YEARS...my very first music video is finally "in the can", as the kids say in Hollyweird. We are at long last done shooting all our scenes and now all that's left to be done is editing (I say that as if it's a simple, overnight process -- au contraire, this is where the REAL work begins for Director Chris, like he hasn't done enough already).

"WHEN IS IT GONNA BE DONE??? I WANT IT NOW!!!"

You've waited two years, you can wait a few weeks more! I was hoping for a 9/11 release since the song was inspired by a visit to Ground Zero in 2006, but I think we'd find Director Chris in a dark corner of his office in fetal position and drooling all over himself if we pushed that too hard, so it's unlikely. It's ultimately up to him...and this video will release exactly when the Universe thinks it's supposed to and not one minute sooner. Plus, I want to have time to do some proper promotion and press and plan a premier party. But...you can truly believe me when I say, SOON!!!

That said, this last week was SUCH an amazing learning experience for me. I (perhaps foolishly) volunteered to handle the extras casting submissions for our final scene, as Director Chris and Producer Jacole had enough on their plates. Keep in mind I've never cast a thing in my lifetime and now I'm suddenly going to find 100 extras for our final scenes. Woah, Seabiscuit! The good news was this: I was shocked -- literally shocked -- at how professional most peoples' submissions and responses were. We used L.A. Casting, Actors Access and Craigslist, putting out a call for people to drive all the way to an unfamiliar park in Pasadena by 7:30am on a Sunday morning and tramp around in the grass and hot sun till at least 1pm - UNPAID. In the end we had somewhere around 90 confirmations and I'm making a guesstimate that somewhere around 60ish actually showed up. I consider this miraculous because coming from the experience that at least 85% of people who book a first time voice lesson with me never actually show up, this ratio is STUNNING. All that said though, as stressful and time consuming as handling the extras' submissions was, I didn't hate it and I think I could probably be kind of good at it...and maybe I'll go get me an internship at a casting office or something just for fun and to learn more. It can only be helpful as a re-blossoming actor.

But I digress. Naturally, as is the nature of this particular business where there are soooooooo many details that all have to fall into place perfectly for it to work, we had an 11th hour crisis - and unfortunately it never got resolved. One of our principal actors had car trouble and couldn't make it from Venice out to Pasadena. We tried everything short of hiring her a cab (because we spent every single penny we had in the budget renting the location, covering permits, etc.) and of course, no one else in our scene lived anywhere near Venice so we couldn't arrange a pick up on the way. So sadly, she is not making an appearance in our final scene. Because I'm a little bit dark and twisty in my humor, I've re-written her storyline from "abused wife who leaves her husband and 'Goes On'" to "abused wife who TRIED to leave her husband but he caught up with her as she was leaving and gave her the Tony Soprano treatment."

What? Oh shut up, you're going to hell for something, too.

Another fun thing that happened was that a friend of mine showed up to the shoot as promised late, filmed one shot and took off because she'd been dealing with some serious transitions in her life over the last month and listening to the song over and over again caused her to meltdown. Niiiiiiiiice, huh? THAT'S how you want your music to effect people, right? LOL. She's ok and we talked about it (cuz diva was a lil miffed), but I will always be able to say that I gave someone a nervous breakdown with my music. Not everyone can say that, can they? Take THAT, Gaga!!!

But those were the worst two things that happened all day long so honestly it could NOT have gone better. Almost everyone was on time (or even early!), they brought lawn chairs and books to read, they were quiet, respectful of each other and the crew, it was a very diverse crowd of all colors, looks and ages (which was HUGELY important to me - we even had a gorgeous drag queen, a dude with a Mohawk and a St. Bernard in the mix!) and when it started getting a little bit too hot around 11:30am or so...no one, including the little children, complained. I was so impressed...I'm still blown away by how great people were! Some of them (particularly the teens and tweens) also kind of looked at me like I was this otherworldly being, the "ARTISTE" I guess, and that was both fascinating and weird, because I've never experienced that before. It probably had something to do with my friend and amazing makeup artist Martin Christopher rushing up between every shot to blot, powder, pin and fluff...I'm sure it looked ludicrously "important." LOL. But I can only say THANK GOD for him, as I'd have wilted in an hour if he hadn't been there! Best money I ever spent. Trust (as he'd say).

The best part though, was when someone would come up to me and thank me for the song, tell me how much it meant to them and tell me their story of triumphing over hardships (and later, other crew members shared what some said to them). A couple actually teared up talking about how the song moved them. It just rocked my world. I think any songwriter can attest that when you live with a song for so long you can start to take for granted how it made you feel to write it and what it meant to you at the time...it becomes just another piece in your catalog. So when a significant number of people ages later express what it means to them, it's really very humbling to think that something you did or created can effect someone else's heart so significantly. Of course, that's why we do what we do (if we're not the fame whore type, anyway -- not judging necessarily, just saying) but I can't imagine that I'm the only songwriter that's a little taken aback when the effort succeeds as planned. People standing up and walking out of their histories, encouraged to do so perhaps in part because of a little song I wrote. Praisaluiah!

[I would be remiss if I didn't stop a second to note my thanks to my co-writer on this song, Levi Kreis, without whom I'd not have made the trip to New York and visited Ground Zero in August of 2006 in the first place and without whom the song would not have been finished later.]

We actually wrapped on time (15 minutes early, I do believe -- in your face, Spielberg!), loaded up the cars, I went home for a few to change, then went to meet up with Director Chris, Producer Jacole, Assistant to the Producer Jamie (Jacole's sis), Assistant to the Director Marie (Chris' lady), awesome crew members Kelli (aka "iPod"), Karen, Candy, principle actors Kelly and the Colbert Twins (and their daddy) and some friends of ours down from the Berkeley area visiting for the weekend, Robert, Lisa and their gorgeous little baby Raina, to chill and toast our long-awaited wrap. We were loopy as hell (as call time for some was as early as 6am and DC, PJ, A2DM and I were up late and early all week prior) and the champagne probably didn't help matters, but we were giddy with ourselves for being a totally indie production and taking on a real, full-blown music video and actually succeeding! Dream big, get bigness in return!

It was a beautiful, amazing, joyful, SUNNY (!!!), healing, fun, fulfilling day. And I have the farmer burn and scratched up feet (from going barefoot) to prove it! And I'd do it all again! Well...in awhile. A long while. And I'm pretty sure we'll story board the next one to include a nice, air-conditioned studio. Juuuuuust sayin!

Love to every last one of you who backed our fundraising campaign on Kickstarter...without you this weekend would never have happened. We cannot ever express our thanks enough without sounding like complete, gushing teenagers. We love you.

Thank you to Tacey (sp?) at the City of Pasadena Parks and Recreation, Lance at FilmIns.com, our park monitor guy whose name I forgot and the residents who live on Orange Grove and Sunnyslope in Pasadena (except the one that reported us to Parks and Rec the next day for being too loud, even though you had written notification from P&R that we'd be there -- you're a big poopypants poopyhead and I'm totally gonna sic Amy Poehler on you - loveyoumeanitnamaste!).

More love to my personal friends who showed up to be in or work on this scene as crew at the butt crack of dawn on a sacred Sunday morning simply because I asked you to. I'm so blessed to have you all in my life:

Kelly Goodman (principal)

Greg Weaver (principal)

Candice & Seamus Colbert
Kelli Bowlden
Karen Brundage
Dawn Merkel
Chris Trott
Andy Allen
Rodney Petreikis

Paul Marich

Romulo Mota
Marena Atallah

Marla Douglas

Richard Gadas

Robert Long

Scott Patrick

Susan Thatcher

Miss Poppy Fields

Dr. Mike Wooten
(I hope I didn't forget any of you!)

And of course, everyone who showed up at Gwinn Park in Pasadena by 7:30am (a final list of names I do not yet have) to hang around with a grassroots production team and indie artist in the hot sun for almost six hours in exchange for egg salad sandwiches, donuts, Starbucks and sunburns. You were stone cold pros and we thank you from the bottoms of our hearts!

Most importantly -- Chris, Jacole, Marie and iPod...in it knee deep from day one, I'd give you my fallopian tubes and my last egg if they weren't all shriveled and useless. The most love, evereverever.

Stay tuned, Darciples! Big things a-happenin'!!!

I Am Not Broken.

2011-06-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure where to start this blog. So much is going on...and yet not going on...I can't even think straight at the moment. I seem to be in the midst of learning some seriously heavy and strange life lessons and while on paper I know it will all lead to my highest good, it is difficult to allow the moment to just flow. Because you see, I'm a control freak. And I'm extremely competitive with myself. And I was raised in an environment of fear, guilt and self-loathing. I work hard to try and stop myself from boarding the Crazy Train these days when things aren't going the way I think they should (or are simply going in a direction I can't clearly make out as yet), and I am indeed getting better. I think of myself ten years ago...hell, even five years ago...and I'm pretty impressed with how much better I deal with life's little turds than I used to. Like the proverbial onion, you peel back each layer. At least that's how I prefer it. I'm not a diver, I'm a toe-dipper. And I'm okay with that. Cuz for a long time I just sat in the bleachers and watched.

Regardless of the progress I have made reading various happy-happy books, looking up inspirational quotes, listening to enlightening CDs by the likes of the good doctors Wayne Dyer and Michael Beckwith, and enjoying Rev. James Mellon's talks online...there is always my one albatross I cannot get off my neck. It is not a cause, but a manifestation of the root cause. And while I chip away, away, away at my bad habits of verbally beating myself to smithereens and begin to talk lovingly and respectfully to myself - and to others - I just. cannot. stop.................................................

Eating. There was never an a-ha moment that indicated to me what the core of this issue was, even though my mom and bio-dad had divorced before I was even two and he was a total substance-abusing deadbeat, which clearly leads to abandonment issues. Knowing this to be a common cause of food issues in women, it wasn't enough to just know it to make myself stop. And being a person whose favorite classes in school other than music were psychology related, I've read EVERYTHING I can get my hands on about this subject. And of course also worshiped at the church of Oprah for 25 years trying to figure it out as well. I even went to a healer who claims to have The Stigmata (I saw the scars in her hands while she held them over my face, vividly -- is it real or is it Memorex? You decide.) and to a wacky weekend seminar where they deprived us of sleep and food till we were all literally in tears (even the men) and coddling our pathetic little inner children. I actually thought that worked for a hot minute...but about a week later it was same ole same ole.

I may however, have had a breakthrough at long last...two interesting revelations. I began reading a book a few days ago called "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. Yes, I heard about it on the Oprah show. Ms. Roth's philosophy is, "All that you believe about love, change, joy and possibility is revealed in how, when and what you eat. The world is on your plate." Uh...what? How I feel about life is causing me to abuse my relationship with food? And here I've been thinking this whole time that my relationship with food is what causes me to hate my life! I'm intrigued to find out more. This is Revelation Number One, the lesser of the two.

Revelation Number Two got me like a 2x4 in the noggin. In the forward of the book, Ms. Roth is describing a retreat she hosts twice a year to help women with food addiction. A rule is that when it's time to eat, everyone fills their plates with whatever, sits down and has to wait to eat till everyone else has filled her plate and has sat down. This causes lots and lots of strife. Eighty food-addicted women with plates of food in their faces and not allowed to eat. Just wave a beer under an alcoholic's nose, for the love of Pete. This discomfort brings forth confessions and excuses, many of which I've read in a million other places in my search to bury this demon within..."I was abused...I can't live up to society's standards...I'm a child of divorce...I grew up in the Witness Protection Program and I don't know who I really am"...blah blah blah. But one woman said something that literally busted open the floodgates for me, because I realized it was MY story but never really knew it.

Directly from the book (no infringement intended, Ms. Roth!):

A few minutes later, Nell, a student at the retreats for seven years, raises her hand. "I am not hungry anymore, but I suddenly realized that I am afraid to push the food away."

"Why?" I (Geneen) ask.

"Because..."--and she starts to cry--"...because I realize I am not broken...and that you will be angry at me if you know."

"Why would I be angry at you?" I ask.

"Because you'd see who I really am and you wouldn't like it."

"What would I see?"

"Vitality. A lot of energy. Determination. Strength."

"Wow," I say. "And what wouldn't I like about that?"

"I wouldn't need you then. And you would be threatened by that."

"Who are you taking me to be? Anyone you know who was threatened by how gorgeous you are?"

Nell starts to laugh. "Hi, Mom," she says.

The room erupts in a wave of laughter.

"She was so depressed," Nell says. "And if I was just myself, that was too much for her. I needed to shut down the bigness--I needed to be as broken as she was--otherwise she'd reject me and that was unacceptable."

Now, my mother was and is beautiful. And I know I wasn't thrown out the ugly tree myself, so it's not about that. But I was a very dramatic, vivacious, colorful, expressive, creative, gifted child...and my mother could NOT handle my "bigness." She could NOT handle my innate, burning desire to make the whole world my stage. And even while on one hand she did make sure I got all the musical training I wanted in the form of lessons, etc., she did everything she possibly could to snuff out my inner light. Suddenly realizing Revelation Number Two, my mind flooded with examples...

I started dance lessons when I was 5. It was interfering with my Saturday morning cartoons, so I told mom I wanted to quit. Her reply, "That's ok honey, you didn't really have it anyway." And she let me quit and I never took another dance class in my life, because from then on I believed I couldn't dance. And I still do.

Around the same age, I was apparently fond of standing in front of the mirrors over the produce aisles in the grocery store and reenacting every commercial I'd ever seen on tv...to the point that my mother had a hard time getting me to stop and she'd have to drag me away in protest. One day I was so out of hand that I brought her to tears and she picked me up and left the store, abandoning a full cart of groceries. Now, while this is actually a pretty funny story, it stings to know that I had embarrassed my mother so greatly just by being who I was.

As a teenager, after the fam "got Jesus," my mother decided for me when I was "spiritually right enough with the Lord" to sing a solo on any particular Sunday in church. And she used it as a tool of discipline, too. "Do as I say or I'll call Pastor and tell him you can't sing this Sunday." To this day, when I have a voice student who is quitting their voice lessons because their parents are using them as a form of discipline, I get infuriated.

Mom yelling down the stairs into the basement-made-into-a-rec room as I practiced diligently singing the soprano melodies from the hymn book: "Darci, you're an alto, NOT a soprano, just accept it and quit that caterwauling! I can't take it!" A few years later when I started taking voice lessons and discovered I was indeed a soprano after all (as my dream was to be the next Sandi Patty), when I told mom she sneered, "No you're not. That woman must not know what she's talking about. What are we paying her for?" (I will tell you this, if not for Liz-formerly-Bolibaugh-now-Belle giving me permission to sing with the voice I was born with instead of dumbing-it-down so as not to appear as if I was 16-going-on-30--which would mortify my mother--I'm not sure what I'd be doing now. Probably making money. But bored out of my ever-loving mind.)

Whenever we argued, as mothers and daughters do, she never once went without saying, "Oh STOP being so dramatic! You're not on stage, spare me the drama."

Star Search was a big deal when I was in high school and they were having auditions in Albany, the nearest major city to my tiny little town of Johnstown, about 45 minutes northwest (and I mean a real 45 minute drive, not an L.A. 45 minute drive, which would actually be 7 minutes without traffic). My voice teacher said I MUST audition. I told mom. Mom said no, because she simply wasn't willing to drive that far (this despite the fact that she was as rabid a fan of the great Sam Harris as I was). When I told Liz, she was livid and immediately got on the phone and chewed her out. "Darci is GIFTED! She NEEDS to do this! What is your problem?!" Mom's response, "She can do whatever she likes when she's graduated high school and no longer living in my house." Now, considering what happens to child stars nowadays, Mom's decision could be argued as very sensible. But I was a senior in high school then and the "I'm not driving that far" excuse was not acceptable.

The worst though...when I moved to college in Nashville, TN...the whole family made the drive down with me (we had family friends living there they could visit and I'm not entirely sure that if we didn't that I wouldn't have been unceremoniously stuck on a plane and sent off alone). As they left to go back home, Mom hugged me ferociously and tried not to cry. But when she pulled away she said, "You can do this, Darci Christine. You're tough. You can do this." And then in the same breath, "But maybe try not to be yourself so much at first, because these girls are genteel southern ladies and you might scare them off before they get to know you." (Little does she know that very often "Southern Hospitality" is nothing more than wearing a big fake smile while they're stabbing you in the back.)

These instances felt brutal back then. But realizing where it came from gutted me even more the other day. I was born a fearless, happy child, as we all are. But by the time I was born Mom had made an extreme mess of her life, marrying the wrong alcoholic, drug-addict guy, never had any dreams of her own, and later got remarried to a very kind man that she wasn't truly in love with to get herself and her two children (at the time) off of welfare. I represented vitality, life, strength, hopes and dreams and had inherited my no-good bio-dad's musical gifts on top of it (bass player). Mom just couldn't take my "bigness"...she couldn't take looking at the reminder of her own mistakes every single day and the possibility that I might accomplish great things in my life when she never did. My mother was broken. I was NOT broken. And so she, subconsciously for sure, set out to break me. And I began to turn to food to deal with my mother's brokenness. Because I could be as dramatic and full of life and music as I wanted to with food because it couldn't and wouldn't reject me or belittle me for being me.

Now, after reading all this you are probably thinking my mother is a class A evil witch hag. That's actually not true. She can be very loving, fiercely protective, tough as nails, adorable as hell and absolutely melts into goo when there's a baby around. She's smarter than she's ever given herself credit for and she never sloughs off a responsibility for anything. She's also the only person I've ever met who LOVES to gamble and somehow has never lost her shirt. She is the Queen of Moderation. And she's never once pressured any of us kids to hurry up and get married and make her a grandmother. I love my mother so very much and the thought of anything happening to her makes me sick to my stomach.

Alas, like so many of us, her darkness has overcome her. She's allowed her past to be her present and her truth, and lets regret be the god she truly worships, as opposed to the God she claims saved her when I was seven. As a disciple of today's evangelical fundamental uber-conservative "Christ" (the man-made one, not the Living Source of Love I now believe in), she's more worried about the states of others' souls than her own. Her job is to be miserable. It's not a good day if you haven't wept, rent your clothing, climbed onto a pile of ashes and gnashed your teeth! She simply doesn't know that she doesn't have to feel this way. She just doesn't know...and at 61, she probably has no desire to. I cannot judge that or be angry at it, because a) I know that she is genuinely concerned with the state of the world in the deepest parts of her being and b) I was there once, too.

But I don't want that for myself. I cannot stand myself miserable. Others can't stand me miserable. Revelation Number Two is reminding me, though I've heard and read it a million times, that there's nothing wrong with me. I was created in the image of The Maker and therefore perfect from day one. Period. I do not have to take on my mother's pain. Or my bio-dad's. Or friends' or former boyfriends' or my siblings' or anyone else's. It's not my responsibility and I have to stop worrying myself to death about it with every bite I shovel into my mouth. Furthermore, I do not get the luxury of blaming anyone else for who I've become or not become, because everything that has happened to me, was said to me or done to me in the course of my life are just that...happenings. Big deal. They happened. They do not define me. Their effects are not irreversible. Suck it up and move on. It's never too late to start over and it's never too late to remember that I was not born broken in the first place. I was NEVER broken.

I. AM. NOT. BROKEN.

Contentment of heart to all.

Next day edit: This is becoming a song...stay tuned...

AMERICAN IDOL - "A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - TOP 5 (5/4)

2011-05-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. Check out my website to find out more. Especially cuz I could use some work right now.

I've been watching American Idol since season one and kvetching about it since season two. I do "drive-by reviews"...one watch, first impression critiques (cuz you don't get do-overs in concert). Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pipe in with your opinions, even if they disagree with mine -- just keep it on a grown up level. Thank you!

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Okay, let's get this show on the road. It's two songs-a-night time! FUN! LET'S THROW IT DOWN!

Ok seriously. I am sooooooooooo tired of backup singers being dissed, particularly on this show. Sheryl's "humble beginnings" as a backup singer for Michael Jackson. That's a GOOD PAY DAY, campers, and a perfectly respectable living. And not every backup singer secretly wishes he/she could be famous. Some of us LOVE singing backup and find nothing to be ashamed of in doing it. Better than bagging groceries or selling car insurance, that's for damned sure. Stupid show.

Sorry, it's been hot here today. Makes a juicy girl a little testy.

James is up first and he's gonna do some song by 30 Seconds To Mars. I know OF this band but I don't know their material. Isn't the guy from "Requiem for a Dream" in this band? That's one wack movie, people (Ellen Burstyn was robbed!). Anyhoo...well...not my favorite of his performances from a technique or pitch standpoint (band was wussin' out, too) but he's getting so comfortable on stage and he really knows what works for him. I'm pretty sure I'll be buying his album. And I'm pretty sure he's gonna be huge. I just don't want him to get rid of his vibrato entirely like all these little snot-nosed "rockers" today. What I love about him is he really sings and I don't want him to lose that.

Did Ryan just say something about James going "full Monty"??? What'd I miss??? Dang it! Rewind!

So Jacob is going to do Jordin Sparks' & Girlfriend Beater's "No Air." Hmmmm...I dunno about this. What's wrong with the sound tonight? Everyone's out of tune, including the background singers. I didn't like this partially cuz the sound was so awful. Gotta say that kid can sing in the freakin' stratosphere, though. I actually think this probably would make a really great recording for him...just didn't work live and I'm not sure that's entirely his fault. GO JLo, telling Randy not to tell Jacob who he is! Now y'all shut up and let Steven talk. Btw, they kept calling Ruben Luther-esque too and when's the last time we heard him on the radio? Just sayin. Luther was then and Jacob has to be now and apparently he knows it.

Lauren is gonna cover Carrie Underwood. For a girl who is terrified of her own power, maybe she shouldn't be attempting songs by one of the biggest voices EVER...? I hope she blows it out of the park, though. And WOW, she sure did! Now THAT is the Lauren I was hoping she'd be this whole time! SANG, GURL! The sound still sucks but it goes to show when you choose the right song and leave your guts on the stage you can rise above that. FIERCE! I think Sheryl gave her some great advice in telling her not to worry so much about it being perfect, but to give it all up...it really worked for her.

Oh is Scotty still here? Servin' up a little Montgomery Gentry. And okay he reminded me WHY he's still here (once I got over those stupid Maxim models appearing again...seriously, I'm all in a good mood till they walk out and act like it's their show). That was a lot of fun and I thought he really took a bite out of those vocals and, like Lauren, threw caution to the wind. I always think Scotty does a great job connecting with his material but he has been choosing safe much of the time. This shook things up and I enjoyed it a lot. Nice job, kid!

Dang it. JLo's too cute whoopin' it up for these contestants...stop making me like you, you witchy little thing! Hmph.

Haley's doing an unreleased Gaga song??? Especially at the encouraging of Jimmy Iovine? I thought the contestants were required to choose their own songs. Hmmmmmmm. Now I know the producers force songs on the contestants - it's been going on for ten years. But no one's ever said it ON AIR. I expect a little backlash in tomorrow's entertainment news and I certainly hope it doesn't hurt Haley in the voting. Anyway...yeah, this is where she lives. It's all about the stuff that's steeped in the blues for her. I hope her album is full of songs like this, cuz it absolutely should be. I think she did a great job. And her eye makeup is STUNNING!

You're wrong, judges. I don't know half of these songs every week and it doesn't bother me when they do them well. I think they're full of crap. Except Steven, cuz he's with me on this.

Oh noooooooooooo James is doing Harry Nilsson!!! One of the all time greatest pop songs ever written. Oh I'm so excited...this could be so awesome and I sincerely hope it is. Aw jeez, he's crying. I can't take it. Haven't seen him lose his stuff since the auditions, it's heartbreaking! He stayed in pitch better while crying than he did on the first song! Clearly not a pristine vocal (and perhaps I'd have taken the key up a half step so his low notes could really simmer), but the heartwas there and at the end of the day that's what matters. He was the vessel, he served the song, done. And it was nice to hear a guy singing it for a change, too.

Okay so Jimmy's picking some songs tonight? Maybe I missed that in one of Ryan's speeches or something and there's NOT actually a scandal a-brewing. Regardless, Jacob is singing another great sad song from my uber-childhood, "Love Hurts" (coincidentally, Heart has recorded versions of both "Without You" and "Love Hurts"...you wanna experience vocal emotion, find and download forthwith). Ok loved loved loved the beginning, such a sweet touch with the harp...and I found myself getting into the end but HATED the horns, which immediately spread a thick layer of Velveeta over the whole thing. But Jacob put some stank on it and I only wish he'd have just said, "Oh shoot, WHATEVER" and used his body some, cuz you KNOW he wanted to. Wicked final lick at the end and super high "because I can" note to finish it off. Quite a mess. Quite a big ole hot mess but I enjoy that sort of thing...in the same way I enjoy Patti LaBelle.

Up next is Lauren with...oh dear God..."Unchained Melody." Nothing against it, I'm just sick to death of it...and still haven't heard anyone do it better than Clay on this show. Holy AMAZING DRESS, Batman! Here she goes...and Oh COME ON!!! What the hell happened? She was doing so great, building, building, stylizing it perfectly, not too much, not too little, flipping flawlessly through registers, building...and then she completely crapped out! I AM SOOOOOOOO MAD RIGHT NOW! This could have been absolutely a vocal stunner but no. What a disappointment. I don't know if it was the arrangement or if she just suddenly froze and quit. *sigh*

Seriously judges. Booooooooooooo. Chickens. CHICKENS!!! You can't let someone crap out on an iconically big song and get away with it, 15 years old or not!

Scotty is doing one of my all time favorite Elvis songs (of course written by the great Willie Nelson). I have no fear that he will settle me down from that last train wreck. And as expected, it was lovely and tender. I'd have brought it up a half step just so he could have locked in a little stronger on that bridge, but otherwise, he did it right. I forget he's so young. He's an old soul of a performer. There's no excuse for any other teenager on this show - or outside of this show - not to "get it."

Haley is singing "The House of the Rising Sun", which costs NOTHING to license because it's in public domain. No one knows who wrote it, but we know The Animals made it famous. Anyway...she sangin' her patootie off. I also think she's making up for Casey with all that growling. But I still love her and I want her to get all the way to the end. Again, this kinda song is HER house. Just about perfect. Great way to end the show.

And that's all she wrote. I think Jacob might be getting the ax tomorrow. But then again...this is American Idol, and you just never know...

AMERICAN IDOL - "A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - TOP 6 (4/27)

2011-04-27T22:08:00.001-07:00

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. Check out my website to find out more.

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Okay...now, I love me some Carole King but every time they've done her songs on this show the contestants have butchered them. I'm scared for James this week for sure. I have little hope that this show will contain much pizazz...unless they're smart and search out the hits she had with OTHER artists and not just what she recorded herself.

Jacob's up first (thanks for playing honey, guess we'll see you at the finale) with "Oh No, Not My Baby." Ok...so I'm following along pleasantly, he's doing just fine...and that's it...fine...and then that breakdown kicks in and he got his church stomp on. YEAH, DADDY!!! That's what I wanna see from him. And the kid's got a great ear...I liked a lot of his improv choices at the end. So it ended with a bang, but I wish he had put that 150% into it from word go. This is a good style for him. Let Cee Lo Green produce his record and there'll be something going on there.

Lauren is gonna do "Where You Lead." Oh goody, The Doublemint Twins are back. Well...cute performance. That's it. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Still boring. Oh man, here goes the Queen of Autotune encouraging the 16 year old to trash her cords. But YOU Steven? Well...his cords were born trashed, I guess. Anyway, she's adorable but yeah...I just can't get into her. Everyone wants her to push, push, push her voice...is anyone gonna push her to CONNECT to a song??? She's vacant. Completely vacant.

Haley and Casey dueting, yay! Kinda fun. The best rendition of that song on this show ever. Even though that isn't really saying that much cuz everyone else who came before decimated it. But they sounded good together. There were some really nice vocal moments.

Friends, I could not care less about tonight's show. Oooooohhhhhhh my gawd, I'm ready to be done already. And to top it off, my cat won't stop begging to come in, go out, come in, go out, come in, go out. He's fixin' to become orange chicken in a minute.

Oh nooooo Scotty's singing "You've Got A Friend." Snoooooooozaroo! Ok, I take it back a little. That was a nice rendition of that song. I believed him. Heartfelt and a little less country-fried than usual, in his upper register, a nice subtle change. Gotta give it to him. And he's MUCH better at "the look" than Constantine was. Haha!

A soft, sensitive side of Crazy James. Tremblin' in mah boots, kids. Don't get me wrong...I fully believe he's got the voice and talent to tackle something softer in there somewhere...but will he ALLOW himself to? Aaaaaahhhhhh, there's the rub! Let's see. Hmmmm..."Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow." People are so used to the up tempo version...I wish he was gonna keep it a sweet ballad just cuz he CAN. I LOVED the beginning...but Iovine made him rock it up. *sigh* Gettin' sick of that guy. He did just fine, but it was also predictable. Another tired rendition. The lyric is so sad and tender...I wish SOMEONE would put that spin on it just once. I love James but I didn't get why everyone was licking his butt over this. (Though I wouldn't be mad at him if he won the whole thing, not one bit)

Now we get to hear Scotty and Lauren together. Out of tune. Both of them. Next...

Ummmm...who's the random child on Steven's lap?

Casey is singing a song I don't think I've ever heard. But I'm excited for it. Aaaaannnnnnndddddd so far it's the only performance of the night that mattered. The blues sits on him so well, he knows exactly what to do with it and he's a great entertainer. I loved the musicians circling him at the end...favorite of the night.

Haley, please don't sing "It's Too Late." Oh thank God. LOVE her little dress. Ok, it's not just her monitors that are screwy, but the mix is AWFUL. Cuz of that, I think she got off to a slow start, but I also think she picked one of the hardest songs of the night and she didn't stumble vocally for a second. I'm just not sure the average Joe is gonna realize that or notice with that horrific mix swallowing her voice up. She's sooooooooooo bad @$$, though. I'd buy her album in a New York minute.

Duet from Jacob and James. Alright...who wants to bet me $100 that if James doesn't win this competition his first stop will be the lead in "American Idiot" on Broadway? Holy screamfest, Batman! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...I haven't experienced such a thing since I battled out "People Get Ready" with my friend Chris Mitchell back in the 90's! Oh, I miss those days. But I digress and shamelessly self-promote. That was tons of fun for all the wrong, self-indulgent reasons. I loved that the same way I love N'Sync's "Bye Bye" song. Go boys. Don't judge me.

Oh thank God it's over. Least favorite episode of the season. Maybe I'm just extra tired or something. I suspect we'll be losing Jacob or Haley tomorrow night.

Sweet dreams, rock stars!

P.S. - I MISS YOU STEFANO!!!

AMERICAN IDOL - "A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - TOP 7 (4/20)

2011-04-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

Well here we go...another week and I have no idea what the theme is. I guess I'll find out soon enough! Aha...music from the 21st century. Hmmmm. I'm a little scared of this one, as I'm not sure the new millenium has produced much top 40 fare that's worth listening to. Thus sayeth Brian Wilson, "Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you'll suck forever."

Hey...I kinda liked bringing back the eliminated contestants (except Ashthon...turns out she's still annoying). It's about time this show figured out that you don't have to actually win the dang thing anymore and that there are probably more steadily working cast-offs from this show than winners at this point. But poor Paul, all alone, with his hopelessly thrashed vocal chords, trying to keep up with a bunch of divas screaming. Oy vey.

Alright, let's get to it. Scotty's up first (the danger zone, as Paul can attest). And he was "meh." It is indeed time for him to kick it up. I don't have anything more to say than that.

James is gonna do a Muse song. Fun. I'm not worried. Oh wow, he gets a drumline? Hmmm. I'm not all that sure I loved ALL the screaming, but I suppose he had to do something cuz the song is not made for a soloist. I probably would have taken a higher harmony and played with the melody oh-so-slightly instead of the octave jumping. He looked amazing tonight and his overall performance was just right, I thought. He let the words (mostly) speak for themselves and didn't overdo the stage theatrics. I enjoyed it.

Here comes Haley with Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" and I'm REALLY psyched to hear her take this on (even though this song is getting dangerously overplayed right now). And DANG GURL!!!! I expected her to do just fine but holy moly that was some saaaaaaaaaangin', my people! I was in a rotten mood a minute ago and I feel so much better after that performance. I'm not even kidding. This is the kind of album she should make. Something a little bit throwback, a little bit contemporary. Gorgeous. LOVE. Super cute dress, too.

Judges? Did you not hear the same performance I did? They seemed awfully apathetic about it but I thought it was FIERCE.

By the way, there's a juicy girl in the audience that I believe is with James' people and she keeps coming up on camera...and I SWEAR I stood in line with her for X-Factor auditions. She never stopped singing or talking or "coaching" the other singers for one dang second. If it's not her, it could be her twin, down to her mannerisms. But she was from Fresno. So what are the odds, really?

And ANOTHER THING...I don't believe for one second that the bleach blondes are really singers. I think they're bikini models lip-syncing for paid union singers behind the big head of Oz somewhere. Disgusting.

Jacob is going to do some Luther. I just hope it's not "Dance With My Father," though. Aaaawwww crap. Of course it is, cuz I think that was the last hit Luther had before he passed. Well...he got through it. Weirdness at the beginning, like he couldn't hear himself. But hey...when you grow up singing in church you don't always have monitors and you learn to sing in tune by muscle memory, so I'm not actually surprised that he didn't flounder for long. Otherwise, that was as good as I expected it to be. I'm with Randy, it didn't make me jump up and down either and I am anxious for the the old foot-stompin', gospel-sangin' Jacob to come back.

I'm enjoying the contestants making fun of each other. And yes, I realize that sounded very bot-like.

Casey is going to do my favorite Maroon 5 song, "Harder To Breathe." I'm psyched. I couldn't even type anything through that cuz it was SO. MUCH. FREAKIN'. FUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! He really put some rock n' roll on it and I just loved it. And man, that kid's got cajones to get in JLo's face and steal a SMOOCH! Brilliant. Every week he does something new and it makes me happy.

Oh Steven Tyler. Did anyone tell this guy that there are children in the live audience? Dude's the honey badger! Honey badger don't care! Honey badger don't give a @$%!!!!

Of course Stefano's a flirt, it comes as naturally to Italian boys as blinking. Now I liked this performance just fine, but compared to all the interesting stage set ups the other contestants had tonight it ended up feeling kind of bare even though I think the kid was putting his 100% into it. His pitch was a little squirrelly here and there but I'm getting to where I don't actually care so much about such things anymore (to a point, of course) because everything we hear on the radio is so perfectly auto-tuned that a little bit of woopsy-daisy is almost refreshing to me (note to my students: this doesn't mean you get a pass, sorry!). Overall, I think he did his best but this might be the end of the road for him simply due to lack of theatrics.

Viva Italia anyway!

(Do y'all know I'm Italian? Just checkin'.)

Lauren is closing the show with a Sarah Evans song. (Dear God make the Doublemint Twins GO AWAY!!! ). Aaaannnnddddd next. Sorry, but I thought that was a stupid song and this is the most bored I've been with her yet. I'm surprised at myself cuz going into this I thought I was gonna really like her, but I guess everyone else just keeps kicking it up every week and I feel like she's just coasting at best. It's not that I don't like her voice, cuz I do, I'm just bored. I certainly hope she takes the judges' advice and rips apart that box she's put herself in next week (cuz I'm not worried that she's going home).

JLo! PLEASE don't encourage untrained 16 year old singers to scream and yell at home by themselves! For the love of all that's good and holy, woman!

That's all she wrote. I'm going to bed. This was a really fun show tonight.

A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW - TOP 8 (4/13)

2011-04-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

For the newbies, I'm Darci Monet and I make music and teach people to sing for a living. I have two albums out, I perform all over L.A., I've sung backup for some super cool people, I've won a few awards for songwriting and some of my students are making great careers for themselves. Also, I am making my very first music video, which I am describing as a "video love letter to the world"! My production team and I would love for you to keep up with our progress on our Facebook page.

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Okay...it's movie songs week. And if anyone sings "My Heart Will Go On" (though I think we're safe with Pia gone), I might have to chuck my tv out the window.

Paul is up first (which means the show is trying to get rid of him) with "Old Time Rock n' Roll", dressed in mighty fine duds by Nashville's go-to costumer Manuel. THANK YOU Will.I.Am for setting Jimmy Iovine straight - NO DRUMB MACHINE ON THIS SONG, FOOL! Duh. Now...I hate this song. But I think it's gonna be a good fit for Paul regardless. But maybe I'm wrong. His poor little voice sounds absolutely worn out. Always fun onstage, but he sounded way better in rehearsal. I don't know if it's enough this week. I'm very confused by all the love the judges are giving him on this one. He wasn't awful but he wasn't at his best if you ask me.

Lauren is going to do "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, which I have to admit, is a great little song and I think her voice on it should be quite nice. Hmmmmm. Bored again. She sung it okay (a little wobbly with her pitch on her slides and such)...I think I'm with JLo with this...I want her to go further. I just have a hard time believing her. This should have been an easy song to connect with and yet I didn't feel it.

Stefano is going to sing "End of The Road" by Boz II Men. Bless his little heart, I follow him on Twitter and I think he got a bit of a beating from Pia fans last week, blaming him for her demise (entirely unfair - peepz iz dumb, yo). My heart was happy to see the support he got from Jimmy and Will and I hope he can dig that emotion out and put it in this song like he did back with his wild card performance. And HOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEE! SAAAAAANG. JUST SAAAAAAANG, MUTHAH TRUCKAH!!! He tore that shizzle up, people. Great pitch, flawless runs, wore his heart on his sleeve and left his guts on the stage. Naw, he ain't goin' down without a fight. No, sir. And how cuuuuuute is his daddy???

VIVA ITALIA!!!

Love ya Scotty, but good luck following THAT up, baby! Oooooooh, I'm not happy with the song change. "Everybody's Talkin'" would've been somewhat out of the box for him, at least unexpected. And forgive me...but the backup singers are too hot in the mix. They sound great but I couldn't hear Scotty on the chorus. Hmmmmm. He should've stuck with his original choice. There was nothing terribly interesting about this song to me and his last note was a bit of a butt-scratcher. No disrespect to Mr. Straight, of course. This just wasn't the best of Scotty's performances.

I'm very much enjoying all the crap they're giving JLo for her "most beautiful blah blah." Very much.

Casey has chosen Nat King Cole's "Nature Boy." No Jimmy. No. You're wrong. WRONG. We love Casey cuz he's a REAL musician...America is CRAVING real musicians in the spotlight these days! LET HIM BE ONE! God forbid we give a record deal to someone with skills. Casey starts...aaaaannnnnnddddd a-ha! Take THAT, Iovine! How ya like THAT smack on the @$$, huh? Polly wants some more? Oh yeah...HERE!HAVE SOME OF THIS, NANCY BOY!!! Brilliant. Abso-friggin-lutely BRILLIANT. Gorgeous vocals, fierce playing, sick scatting and not even a single growl necessary. I'm not sure that "mmmm" in the middle was meant to cover a clearing of the throat or what, it was a little weird and out of place, but I didn't care cuz the rest was so dang good. Standing O. I love it when the suits are WRONG. Amazing music will ALWAYS trump crap. Always.

Haley's going with "Call Me" by Blondie. And I don't have anything bad to say about that performance. I just love when she gets up into her high register and rasps on it, it's super sexy and I covet that ability. AND she whipped her hair back and forth! This, of course, is a required element for rock tunes. Short haired people should not sing rock. Haha, ok I'm just being a jerk! Good job, I thought. I'm also glad she's finally laying off the hunchover. I thought the judges were a little hard on her. It IS a steep competition this year, though.

Jacob is being forced to sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and doesn't seem happy about it whatsoever. Hmmmmm. I still love his voice. It was a very subdued version. Closing chords were very interesting. He sang his face off. But I have to say...I felt like something was distracting him. I felt a wall. His disconnected is still better than just about anyone else's connected, though.

James is sticking to his guns with "Heavy Metal." I kinda like that Iovine's got the whippersnappers testing his mettle. I think that's what the music industry needs right now...for our artists to be artists instead of products molded and shaped by overpaid guys who are older than me. I don't know if I'm gonna love this song cuz I don't know it, but I know I'm going to respect it, anyway. And actually I LOVED IT! Why? Cuz NO ONE'S DONE THIS S**T ON THE SHOW BEFORE!!! And how on earth did they talk the SICK Zakk Wylde into stepping foot on that stage?! If you ask me, it felt like a real concert. Well, almost. The rest of the band being visible would've been nice. But hey...I stand by Crazy James' choice. And man, he sure does love to rock. I was feelin' it.

And there it is. Great show tonight. Personally I thought the weakest performances of the evening were Paul and Scotty. But that's based on a scale of "great" to "amazeballs". I have no idea who's gonna end up going home tonight, but I do hope Stefano gets to stay cuz I think he really fought for the right to.

Now I'm gonna put my face on and go sing a song or two at a piano bar. Haven't done that yet this year! Although I'm kinda in a rockin' mood now...hahaha! Hmmm...guess I'll pull out some blues, then.

AMERICAN IDOL - A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW - TOP 9 (4/6)

2011-04-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

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ROCK AND ROLL WEEK!!! Well a few I'm not worried about at all. Some...well...let's just say Pia better DO SOMETHING this week or Imma sprout a second head. Btw, what happened to all the "changes" we were supposed to get this season...music videos by the contestants (other than the Ford commercials) and all....? Hmmm.

JACOB - I have no doubt you'll sing "Man In The Mirror" just fine but IT'S NOT A ROCK SONG!!! C'mon! King of POP??? Helleeeeerrrrrr??? But it's still TRES cool that Miz Siedah Garrett herself is singing backup for you on the song she wrote! I adore this song and he nailed it...but it's still not a rock song. I'm annoyed by that and I'd better not be in for an entire night of such shenanigans. But I also give him props for sticking to his guns in regard to his song choice, which I know for fact is not easy for the contestants to do on this show. And that's all I have to say about that.

HALEY is going to step up with some Janis. BRING IT, SISTER!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh, she did. There were places where she could've held back the growl a little to give herself a break but at least she didn't tiptoe up to the song in general (like Faith Hill did with that nauseating country version she released a hundred years ago - blech! ). She looked FANTASTIC and she I thought she did a very honorable job of a classic song plus she threw in a little of her own thing while she was at it.

HOW DID I MISS THIS LYRIC CONTEST THING??????? BOOOOOOOO!

Casey dumped The Police and went with CCR. And FINALLY pulls the standup out. I loved it. His licks are weird...somehow sloppy while NOT being sloppy. But when he's got the bass it all comes together for him.

OH COME. ON. LAUREN! Wussin' out with Natural Woman. I love this song, but again -- NOT A ROCK SONG! There are PLENTY of songs and artists out there this girl could have handled during this theme week and she goes with old school r&b. WUSS! And sorry, I didn't really like this at all. Blank expression on her face the entire song. No connection whatsoever. None. So disappointing. It's like the fancier they make her look the more disconnected she gets.

So JAMES makes it to his cake round and he decides to slow it down with "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Ummmm...not sure if this is a great idea. But it turns out I had no worries...that ending came out of nowhere and was SUH-WEET! I think he did the right thing. He's all, "hey, here's my pretty voice, I actually have one...but don't forget...I'M STILL AN EFFIN' ROCKSTAR, MUTHA TRUCKAH!!!" And by the way Lauren, THAT'S HOW YOU CONNECT TO A SONG. Mama likey.

So we're gonna get to see SCOTTY do his Elvis after all. Okaaaaayyyyy...flawless vocal. Weird stage presence. Can't think of anything else to say, really. (Ryan asks of the squealing girls, "Where'd THEY come from?" Uh...SAG? )

Christian Slater looks amazing. If he's had work done, it's VERY GOOD work. Way to age, dude. And I loved your last show, "The Forgotten." Just sayin.

PIA, don't you dare disappoint me tonight. PLEASE tear it up! Well, it's a predictable choice...Celine's version of Ike & Tina's "River Deep Mountain High," but I'll be happy if she shakes a tail feather and uses the stage. Ok, no tail feathers exactly shaking, but at least she tried to move a little and she also sang the piddle out of it. And I can attest, that is a hardhardhardhard song, the range alone is a killer. I still would have asked her to put some flats on and bust a move, but it was still an improvement over the last couple snoozerific performances she's given (pipes aside, of course). I just want this girl to CUT. LOOSE! Viva Italia!

STEFANO is going to do Percy Sledge's "When A Man Loves A Woman" which I think will be a great song choice for him. I don't think this is a rock song either, but clearly no one asked me this week. Man, this kid can really really sing. I thought that was excellent. I liked the arrangement too, starting so lightly and ending lightly, unlike everyone else who comes out balls to the wall on this song giving it nowhere to go. I thought it was really solid. Viva Italia!

This week PAUL is gonna give us "Folsom Prison Blues," which I think will work for him. Now THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! That was the spirit of rock n' roll, my friends! For starters, THANK YOU Paul for putting some UMPH into the line "I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die"...which is a sick and twisted lyric and should therefore BE SUNG like it's sick and twisted and NO ONE ever goes there with it and it's a pet peeve...but YOU DID. Thank you. One of my favorite performances of the night. AND that's the most in tune he's sung in weeks on top of it. When it's your zone it's your zone.

Oh we're done? Yay! My faves of the night were Haley and Paul. Or wait no...James too...er...well Pia sang really well...then Casey, when you sandwich "bad" and "ass" together you get "bass"...Stefano is just so good...aw crud, I dunno. I'm awfully hard on them and yet NONE of them totally blew it at all. I have no idea who's going home. They're all fantastic talents. Basically, the results shows are going to suck hard from here till the end. I'll be sad to see any of them go.

Back to learning songs from Tiffany's new album "Rose Tattoo" for Saturday night's release party! It's a good album, especially if you like country music. Check it out!

"A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - AMERICAN IDOL TOP 11, TAKE 2 (3/30)

2011-03-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

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ELTON JOHN TUNES, WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!

Don't mess it up, kids.

Scotty's up first with "Country Comfort"...gee-tar and everything. Well...I just can't say anything negative about this kid ever. Ok, except that last basement note was slightly sharp but that's just being nit-picky cuz he knows who he is and he knows how to give that to the audience and he passes with flying colors every time. He's a natural. He could get voted off tomorrow and I think a bidding war would break out. It's done.

Hmmm...Naima's made a reggae tune out of "I'm Still Standing." Hmmmm. I didn't hate it at all, I just felt like she could have gotten revved up a little sooner. Reggae's not about flashy vocals but American Idol is, and she has the ability to hear and sing jazz licks so I think throwing some in may have been a benefit. Her performance style reminds me a little of Gwen Stefani back in the Tragic Kingdom days. I disagree w/Jen and Randy...I thought the style worked for the song, she just didn't sell it enough is all.

The Taco Bell dogs next door have been barking for a straight hour and a half. I'm just about willing to stick a fork in each ear to make it go away.

Here comes Paul with the classic "Rocket Man." Oh Paul...I do love you, but just not this song on you. Here's the thing about Elton John's songs...melody is king and if your voice isn't built to handle such a thing then you're gonna have trouble on this particular theme night. When Paul's in his element he's a superstar - this is just not his element. He probably should've picked an up-tempo where he could play more on his quirky strengths. Still think he's a great performer, though. And that suit...nice nod to Sir Elton's flashier days.

Ryan...what's up with your hair tonight? Kinda makes me wanna beat you up after school or something. Eek.

Hey Pia's doing a ballad...WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING???!!! I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!!! Well...I'm sick to death of "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" but I have to say that it was refreshing to hear a female do it for a change. She once again sang her patootie off and as always looked stunning (sick outfit!). And I did feel like she brought a little bit more emotional connection to it than she has so far. But still...there's an "I-love-you-don't-touch-me" vibe that's got to be cracked. MAKE ME CARE, PIA! SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!! When you finally do...it's gonna be on like Donkey Kong. Viva Italia!

Poor Stefano and his super tight pants. I'm just really upset about that for him. He's singing "Tiny Dancer." (Does anyone realize Elton John has WAY more songs than the ones we've heard so far tonight?) Well, he worked HARD to keep those pretty eyes open tonight and work the stage...good for him. He's just so freakin' adorable, I want to toss him over my shoulder and take him home and make him my famous spaghetti and meatballs. Not sure I loved this song on him, there are plenty of others that would've fit his voice better and allowed his natural soulfulness to shine through. A good job, but not sure it'll be enough to keep him for another week if he was in the bottom three last week. Viva Italia anyway!

Steven hears what in Stefano's...Broadway??? Wha huh...??? Mr. Tyler's clearly never been to a cabaret. Or even a Broadway show for that matter.

I have a horrible feeling Lauren's gonna sing "Candle In The Wind." Ugh. UGH! It's really not fun to be right all the freakin' time, people. KILLER dress. But I was completely, hopelessly bored. It's not like she didn't sing it well...she really took great care with it vocally, but I didn't feel it. Maybe cuz I hate this song. Maybe I'm getting jaded cuz everyone's so talented this year. Sorry judges, I just didn't see what you did.

James, please my child, KICK THIS SNOOZER OF A SHOW UP A NOTCH! Oh I knew you would do "Saturday Night's Alright." YEAH!!!! SPLITS OFF THE STEPS! FLYING MIC STAND! FLAMING PIANO! OUT OF TUNE HIGH NOTES! Oh well, I really didn't care about that last little bit. That was a MUCH needed infusion of fun. He's so comfortable doing what he does...the song fit him like a glove. Made me miss my rock chick days (and my rock chick figure). James doesn't quite have the impeccable control of Adam Lambert but he sure brings as much fun.

Jasmine...er Thia...is going to sing "Daniel." Shocker, a slow tune. Again...did ANYONE actually LOOK at the Elton John catalog? Okay, shut up Darci, that was lovely. Really, really lovely. Beyond her years. Still the slightest hair consistently under pitch but maybe it wasn't enough for the average joe to notice. She told me the story and she made me care. Well done, Little Bit.

Casey's gonna sing "Your Song." *sigh* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Okay, shut up again, Darci. Cuz that was NIIIIIIIIIIIICE. Tender, with some grit at just the right spots, not overdone and charmingly performed. Excellent switch up. I hope that was enough to save him.

My nail polish matches JLo's dress. Just in case anyone was wondering.

A softer, gentler Jacob is up next? I can't take any softer and gentler ANYBODY. Okay maybe I'll make an exception because I absolutely ADOREADOREADORE "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"!!! (Trivial side note: this song was pitched to Joe Cocker originally and he turned it down. He ended up recording it years later on "Two Rooms," a mostly excellent tribute to the music of John and Taupin put out in the early 90's. Look it up!) Aw jeez. Like Jennifer Hudson did when she was on this show (and still does whenever she sings), there's something in Jacob's voice that puts a lump in my throat immediately. Where I come from we call that an annointing. I can't describe it and I know a lot of people will disagree. Maybe I'm just having an emotional day and can relate a little too well to this song presently. Regardless, he did his job. To be fair, the front end I didn't love all that much, there was weird diction going on, but it didn't take much for him to make me fuggedaboudit. It worked and it made me want to watch it again. JHud is the only other contestant that's ever made me rewind.

Haley closes with "Benny & The Jets," which is such a fun song. Seriously I LOVE her voice. LOVE. She put some STANK on that song!!! YES!!! I wish the band had upped it a notch to match her but that didn't seem to deter her at all. Plus she wasn't Hunchback Haley tonight which made me REALLY happy. One of my favorite performances of hers, everything fell into place tonight. Suh-weeeeet. Bravo!

Oh yay, it's over. Even a bunch of good singers can't make an endless night of ballads work, people! No idea what will happen tomorrow night, but I'm pretty sure it won't be as uplifting as last week's elimination show.

Sweet dreams, errbody!

"A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW" - AMERICAN IDOL TOP 11 (3/23)

2011-03-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

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I've been in a bit of a bubble today taking care of my twin pseudo-nieces, so before I get started I'd just like to give a shout out to Elizabeth Taylor, who I just found out passed today. Even though she swiped Eddie Fisher from Debbie Reynolds a hundred years ago and she's had 37 husbands, you still have to give it up that she a) had as much acting talent as she had beauty and b) she was the first celebrity to talk about and insist something be done about the AIDS epidemic back when NO ONE would talk about it. People with HIV are living long, healthy lives in no small part due to her moxie and tireless efforts over the years. Go rest high on that mountain, Miz Taylor...your work on earth is done. ♥

And now to the frivolity. Motown week. This one's always a crap shoot, eh? I have high hopes for this year's crew though, most of whose voices actually possess some soulfulness. I do hope I'm not wrong. About the soulfulness as well as my grammar...cuz that previous sentence didn't feel right. But I'm too tired to fix it if it isn't.

JLo...no on that blue eyeshadow. Normally I think your makeup is stunning, but it's not working with the outfit tonight. On a less snarky note, every single one of the contestants looks SHARP tonight. Seriously, excellent work by the stylists this season.

Casey is gonna kick off the show with Marvin Gaye's classic "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." Weeellll, another great song choice from him, fit him well. His voice is sounding tired though and no wonder since he grits and growls his way through everything. I always enjoy him though, even though I can't really say this was my absolute favorite of his performances. He always seems to be having such a great time and a couple cracks and glitches on high screamy notes doesn't take that away. Aw look at all his grungy friends in the audience! Sweet.

Oh man. If Thia sings "Heat Wave" I'm not sure if I will even be able to sit through it. I can't stand this song and someone sings it EVERY freakin' season. Oh dear God, she is. Aaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddd flat as usual on the first chorus. She got better as she went along, though. I really like the timbre of her voice. I really, really do. And she's just lovely to look at all the time. But I wasn't thrilled with this performance cuz it felt like it usually does with the teenagers...really practiced and lacking authenticity. I do however think this girl's got a great future ahead of her. In ten years - watch out. Glad the judges encouraged her to keep digging in.

Jacob is gonna sing "You're All I Need" written by the great Ashford & Simpson (which has also been sung ad nauseum on this show, the best by Kelly herself). I ain't worried about this one. And I didn't have to. That was SANGIN'. He gave it just enough. Just enough to honor the song, to get the audience having fun (including Kirsten Dunst, apparently), and to get Steven Tyler up out his damn chair-uh and up on the stage-uh! Smokin'. I would like to download this recording. And I actually watched it twice. I NEVER do that. Ha! I love his Mama dancin' in the Spirit in the aisles! Okay and everyone gets to come up and hug Jacob...I hope he's not a germaphobe...

Here comes Lauren with "You Keep Me Hangin' On." *sigh* Ummm...why is the chick from Rock Mafia (or whatever they're called) right in the sound booth with her? Ugh. That would last all of a half a second with me. Get out mah space, sister. I got WORK ta do! Anyway...I don't really know how this will go. I guess we're about to find out. I have never liked the Supremes but I liked Kim Wilde's version in the 80's, so hopefully there will be a cool arrangement happening (so far the producers haven't overdone it tonight - I am REALLY appreciative). I'm loving it. She sounds great, she looks AMAZING, something all came together tonight...first time I really saw a star emerge. She could have had a little more fun with her vocals toward the end, I thought she kept it super safe, but hey...she had heels and that hemline to think about not tripping over and a pro has to know how to pick her battles. Great job. I'm kinda surprised. Didn't think I'd dig this song on her.

By the way...I need to find me a "producing partner." I should be part of a "Rock Mafia"...or something. Now accepting applications.

My boy Stefano is up next. He's tackling Lionel Richie's "Hello" (I forget he was on Motown). This is one of my all time fave songs and Ron Fair gave him some great advice. Caress it. Hmmmmm. Did NOT like how this was chopped up at all and I didn't really love how he approached it. I LOVE ME some Stefano and what he sang he nailed, but he had some weird diction and improv choices that just didn't work for me. It could be that I'm so very used to the original, but usually I can get out of that box pretty easily. Not sure why I didn't like it...perhaps it just felt too big. It's not a big song and I don't think it should be made into one just because the person singing it has a big voice. I think I'd have preferred it if he approached it more carefully and stayed tender with it. I completely agree with Jennifer's comment, "I don't want the intensity to come from you wanting to do well, I want the intensity to come from because your heart is breaking [sic]." I understood her, even if it wasn't a perfectly constructed sentence. And sooooo right. I always tell my students, "Make me care." That was my issue...I didn't care. I still ♥ him, though.

I guess the judges listened to everyone complaining about how easy they've been on the contestants. They've been much more constructively critical this week and never once with an ounce of cruelty. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

I'm looking forward to what Haley's gonna sing, cuz I really like her voice and I think it will be well-suited to this style. Better bring it, girl! "You Really Got A Hold On Me" by Smokey Robinson. And that girl THREW IT DOWN. A little shaky start, but she caught up with herself eventually. I get annoyed by her constant hunching (plus it does nothing for breath control) and I don't really see star quality going on but I still really like her voice and what she can do with it, so I'm always rooting for her at least a little bit. Great song choice for her and I thought she sang the hell out of it. This is where I think she lives. Very blues-based r&b as opposed to super current nu skool stuff. More Adele than Alicia Keys.

Oh my Lord, I can't believe there's another entire hour left.

Here comes Scotty. Motown week. Hmmmmmm. Hahahahaha...ok, I cannot help but be charmed by him every week! At first I was like, "Huh. Just don't know if I like this so country-fried. I think it's gonna get boring really fast." But then he went up into his higher register and TOLD US ABOUT IT...and I believed him. And then he got cheeky. And that was adorable. Maybe not his best of all his performances, but he certainly didn't crash and burn like other country wannabes have done during Motown week in the past. Not by a long shot. Well done. BUT - quit holding the mic like that. It's just...well...just stop it. Trust me.

I really really really don't want Pia to do a ballad (no, last week didn't count as an "uptempo"). Dang it...she is. *sigh* I do LOVE this song though, so I might let her slide. Jeepers...seriously, this girl has such chops, it's just stupid. But I wasn't with her...cuz she didn't take me with her. She too was closing her eyes too much and shutting us out. The expression on her face was too contented. These lyrics speaknothing of contentment. You've gotta tap in, paisano. All the vocal calisthenics in the world won't cover the lack of connection and at the end of the day, the singer is there to serve the song. BE THE VESSEL.

Ok, shut up a minute, JLo. Stop talking all over Randy! Jeeeeeez. (Notice she doesn't DARE do it to Steven...?)

Paul gets to use his gee-tar tonight, yay! Aw he's gonna do "Tracks Of My Tears," such a great old Smokey song. Looking forward to the arrangement, I always thought this tune would be fantastic with the tempo pulled back. Too bad we can't hear him over Hugh Hefner's Girls Next Door belting in the background. Now...honestly I could barely hear if he did well or not. I was aggro that he smiled all the way through (as sparkly as that smile is), because it was INAPPROPRIATE to do so considering the subject matter (hello, pet peeve). I think I'd probably dig the recording, though. I really don't have anything more to say.

I have a feeling Naima's singing "Dancing In The Street." And can I call 'em or what? Snoooooooooze. The good news is that she has such an authentic stage presence and connection to what she sings, so I might not hate it. And yeah, I kinda liked it. It fit her voice nicely. I still think everyone else sings circles around her, but she's so unique and fabulous on stage...vocals can be improved. I don't really know why Jennifer got goosebumps, though...I don't know if it was quite all that...but I enjoyed her.

Last song of the night comes from James. Good. Good. Really cool arrangement. Some off-pitch notes but...he's getting so comfy in his own skin on the stage. He's such a great throwback to those good old fashioned rock singers...like Steven Tyler, Robert Plant, et al...and dear GAWD we need one of those right now. While I don't know if it was his best vocal ever, his ease on stage has "supahstar" screaming all over it.

So it's like this...I actually like them all and I don't really think anyone did badly enough to warrant going home. Ten seasons and that's NEVER happened. My least fave performance personally were probably Thia and Paul, but I still didn't hate them at all. My best guess to end up going home is Haley simply cuz she's already been in the bottom three, though her performance certainly wouldn't deserve it. It's gonna sting every week now, pretty much. Good show tonight.

AND JHUD'S COMING BACK TO IDOL TOMORROW NIGHT! YYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!! SAAAAAAAANG, SISTER!

Bedtime, finally.

A WORKING MUSICIAN'S REVIEW - AMERICAN IDOL TOP 12 (3/16)

2011-03-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

I've been watching American Idol since season one and kvetching about it since season two. I generally post my reviews here but I don't think it really comes up in searches as easily as Blogger does. So this season I'll be experimenting with posting them in both places. Thank you for reading, and please feel free to pipe in with your opinions -- just don't get too hateful about either the contestants or with each other, please. That's what the Fox boards are for. I'd also love it if you would let other Idol freaks know about the reviews. The more the merrier!

This is a review of last week's top twelve performances. Note, I do not review the elimination shows.

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Okay...I'm excited for tonight's show, as I was lucky enough to sit in on the American Idol discussion panel at Paleyfest this past Monday night (thank you, Faith Rivera!). In attendance were Randy, Steven, Executive Producer Ken Warwick, head of Alternative Programming (or something like that) Mike Darnell and nine of the top thirteen contestants (Ashthon had gotten the boot already and Lauren, Scotty and Thia had to stay behind and do school work - the audience was NOT happy about that). I have no idea why JLo wasn't there. I was kind of glad though, because if she had been, the place would have been a MAD HOUSE to get into or out of, I'm sure. But it was really fun. Here are a couple really fuzzy pics from my camera phone:

The great Steven Tyler!

The whole panel l-r: moderator dude from L.A. Times, Steven, Randy, Ken Warwick, Mike Darnell, Pia, Karen, Haley, Paul, Jacob, Stefano, James, Naima and Casey.

Casey

Stefano

Paul and James

I'm sure that looks junky and awful. Sorry. It's more proof that I was actually that close to Steven Tyler more than anything. Ha!

Birth year theme. This always makes me wanna take a long drive off a cliff on the Pacific Coast Highway. You were born when???

Up first tonight is Naima, who's missing her babies and singing Tina Turner's 1984 classic "What's Love Got To Do With It" (Useless trivia: Tina never wanted to record this song because she didn't like it. Now she's stuck singing it till she dies.) I'm seriously hating these arrangements this year. I'm finding they are distracting me from the singer, which defeats the whole purpose. And really - leave well enough alone, anyway. Other than that...well...as a person and performer I'm cool with Naima. She's trippy and cool and seems very comfortable on stage. But I have yet to be impressed with her vocal skills even remotely. From that standpoint, she sings a slight hair under pitch in the first place and makes the audience white-knuckle it through, waiting for her to go as flat as Thia does at any second. Her vibrato is an afterthought, which goes sharp when she uses it (a la Beyonce and Rhianna, seems the thing to do these days). It all ends up sounding really sloppy overall. So for me Naima is all aural wackness. I so wish she was better, because she's the only personality out of the girls that I care for so far.

So how adorable is Paul? Oh goody, he's gonna do Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" (I'm a geektastic Elton fan), though I admit I can't imagine it. Guess we'll see what happens. (Ummm...did they get three interns from the Musician's Institute to sing backup this year? They looked all of twelve! Been loving this season so far but I'm starting to notice some blatant kid-marketing going on. Guess who buys the tv's the kids watch, Fox? Bite my shriveled up @$$.) Ok...back to Paul. I don't know what I think about this performance. His voice was squeekier than usual and he definitely missed some pitches, so not a great vocal from him tonight. I think I would really like his spin on this song when he's feeling up to it, though. On the plus side, he's a pro...his energy never wavered and he relied on his stage skills to get him through it...which is how it's done, young'uns.

Thia was born in 1995. Gulp. Wasn't that just yesterday? Ah, "Colors of the Wind" should be a good choice for her IF SHE STAYS IN TUNE. And as I suspected, yes an excellent choice. On the big last chorus, she was just shy of the higher notes, but just enough that she could have passed them off as "blue" if we didn't already know she tends to sing flat. Overall, however, this is my favorite performance from her so far. Age-appropriate, generally well-sung and she is a GORGEOUS girl whose smile lights up the stage almost as much as Paul's. I like her. I just really want the vocal coach to work on her pitch with her. And I want her to sing something other than a ballad next week.

Uh...Randy has a problem with her vocals THIS week?

James, GIMME that Bon Jovi, baby!!! 1989's "I'll Be There For You." Weeeeelllllll...I definitely white-knuckled it through that one, too. You can tell he caught The Cold. But he hung on by his fingernails and performed his way through it. Not my favorite of his and the tempo felt rushed but thank God there weren't any cheesy horn parts thrown in at least (biggest pet peeve of past "rock" arrangements on this show). It was kinda "meh" for me. I'm not worried he'll be safe, though.

Ah, so I see why Haley has no idea who she is as an artist - she grew up with musicians who play covers. Therefore, she has been exposed to every style there probably is and can probably sing most of them well. My advice would be to step into studio singing after the show, sweetie. That way you can do everything and get away with it. Now...I'm feeling this song is gonna be a mistake for her. She's hitting the notes and singing it with a cool jazzy style that could have worked if Ron Fair had taken that hint with his arrangement...but he didn't. The audience, I don't think, is gonna get this at all. I feel pretty squarely that she's gonna end up in the bottom three and possibly sent home for that. And I think that would be a shame cuz I really dig her voice.

Steven's got it...more blues, Haley. That's where you live, darlin. I hope she gets the chance to bring it next week.

Viva Italia, Stefano! He's gonna sing Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now." I can't wait to hear him do this. I love his voice and I have great expectations for this song. Aaaaannnnddddd, I think the arrangement was soulless but he gave his 150% to it. By far the best of the night so far. My only kvetch is that I wish he would learn to play with the dynamic levels. For those who don't know what that means...loud to soft to medium and back again. He sings everything at 10 from start to finish and that's going to become tiresome for the audience and hard on his voice. He's got to learn not to beat a song to death, but caress and finesse it. I think it's mostly cuz he gets super excited and every week he's singing for his life and just spills it all over the stage (that said, I always believe him), but it won't serve him for an entire career. He's one of my faves, though. Kid can saaaaang.

I cannot believe I'm hearing one of my neighbors using a power tool of some sort at 10:30pm on a Wednesday night. CANNOT. BELIEVE.

Viva Italia, Pia! Oh my God that home video was HILARIAL. She's gonna sing Whitney's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" and I have no qualms that she will sing it well. Dear God in heaven I HATE this arrangement...WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??? Thank God this girl knows how to sing her face off. She's got the stuff. Period. Wish she would use the stage a bit. But I can't complain about her vocals ever. Flawless.

Ryan's cracking me up this season. Turns out he's kinda funny.

Look at Scotty as Elvis! Some Travis Tritt from 1993 song I don't know. Aaaawwww, seriously. I just can't say anything. This child is brilliant. I...yeah...ummm...I got nuthin. Just wax my butt and send me down the slopes.

So is Karen's hair gonna do a duet with her tonight? And with those earrings she could start her own band. She's going to do Taylor Dayne's "Love Will Lead You Back." Man, I was really digging this until she flipped so noticeably into head voice on her high notes that it tore me right out of the moment. Can someone give this girl a chest voice, please? Bummer. Otherwise, good song choice for her, her pitch was fantastic and she was really owning that stage. I liked this performance overall and I think she gave as much as she's got...which tells me she's got to start moving past being a good vocalist and start learning how to be an amazing one. I think the potential's there, I just don't know if this medium gives her the time to woodshed her vocals like she needs to.

I think Randy heard some other chick singing. Pitch wha huh? Good advice from Jennifer though...if you don't have the notes, don't do them, play to your strengths. Certainly explains the one-note song she just released. Oh NO she dint! Did you see that coming? Uuhh! Right there, biznitches! .

Tamyra who?

Hahahaha...Casey's gonna do Nirvana! NIRVANA ON AMERICAN IDOL!!! Cobain is rolling over in his grave and emo screamers everywhere are weeping and gnashing their teeth! Aaaaawwwwwww yeah. Now...here's the thing...I think he got everything right he could possibly get right or be allowed by this show to get right...I am THOROUGHLY disappointed that Idol couldn't spring for a headset mic for him so he could run and thrash around on the stage, because you KNOW he wanted to! I wanted him to. I think everyone wanted him to. And what the hell with putting him out there all by himself with just his bass and a giant amp? They're doing that a lot this season...making it very karaoke-ish again. Where is the band? Why can't we see them? But I digress. I can't complain about this. Casey keeps taking risks that work. And, true to the spirit of Cobain, I didn't understand a single blinkin' word he sang. That's rock n' roll, man.

Poor Lauren, all sick n' stuff. Ummmmm...ok, I never sound like THAT when I've got the flu! WTH, girl?! You GO wicho bad self! Still missing that first week spark but she still sounded pretty dang good, especially for being sick. I'm sure she's safe. Btw, her mama has that Southern Mary Kay face. Oh, how I miss that look from my Nashvegas days!

Jacob closes the show with my blessed Heart's "Alone." You bettah, child. YOU. BETTAH. LOL...omg he's SO DRAMATIC! I kinda love that. And he's always 110% in the moment, which I can not fault, especially on this show. How do I feel about his version? Hmmmmm. Well...I feel like it kinda got away from him a bit...this song requires a mix of desperation and control that I've yet to hear anyone but Ann herself master properly (ummm...that includes Carrie's bland rendition in season four that everyone seems to think was so amazing but really wasn't - I'd like to hear her sing it NOW that she knows how to properly emote on stage...but I digress). I liked the arrangement itself by the end of it, even though when that key change came I was all, "Aw hayull naw!" But he made it work and he definitely put his own unique spin on it. Lots of pitchiness was had, but I'll take a few wonky notes when they're jam-packed with true emotion any day of the week. And I am a fan of his voice, so I was okay with it. I'm interested to hear the recording, actually. Overall, his is the only version of this song on this show that I kinda sorta approve of, cuz he's the only one who's come anywhere close to the emotional quality that it needs, even if he went a bit over the top. Okay, maybe a lot over the top. (and I have no doubt that Kaore Bonnell shall henceforth unfriend me, should he read this)

So that was an okay show. Everyone's really different from each other and I'm very much enjoying that. I really want these blechtastic arrangements to go away, though. Not a clue who's going home, though I think Haley will end up in the bottom three and Naima probably should join her. I'm concerned that perhaps Jacob will because people won't get him, but you never know with this monster of a show.

That's all she's writing, folks! Gonna cuddle up in my bed with Toni Morrison's "Song of Solomon." Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! (and don't forget to click on my banner below! Only 4 days left! )

Today I'm Grateful...

2011-01-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

"Dark Darci" is knocking on my door right now because I've been sick for a week with a nasty sinus infection and cough. My voice is trashed and will take weeks and weeks to recover after the illness has past. This happens several times a year. There's a lesson I'm not learning apparently, or it wouldn't keep plaguing me.

That at the most said, I have found that when "Dark Darci" rears her ugly head, I'm able to at least partially exorcise her by making a gratitude list. And so that is exactly what I'm going to do right now. I know the truth to be that I will not heal any faster by dwelling on my misery and worrying about all the things I need my voice to get better for. As stated by Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, "Worrying has no transformational value. Worry is emotionally rehearsing all of the very things you don't want to happen." I must heal my thought process in order to heal my body.

Therefore, today I'm grateful...

1) ...that even now my body is restoring itself to its original state of perfect health and well-being. (Thanks for that affirmation, Louise Hay!)

2) ...for Stove Top Stuffing. It's mushy and warm - perfect soar throat food.

3) ...for my comfortable old bed. I cannot imagine being sick and trying to get well on a mat in the dirt. Thankyouthankyouthankyouformybed.

4)...that my parents and siblings are all alive and healthy. Well, mostly. We're all a little mental, admittedly.

5) ...for pretty Christmas lights. (Yes, my decorations are still up. Shut up.)

6) ...for fresh new tv shows this week, FINALLY! (It's only an "idiot box" if you watch the shows that actually cast idiots)

7) ...for the book my sis loaned me that I'm currently reading -- "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs. Wanna feel better about your life? Read that guy's books. Seriously. You have no problems.

8) ...for the ten people who will bother to read this blog. Hey, that's YOU!

9) ...for modern science, from which comes the medication that is working to make me better.

10) ...for living in a country where I still have access to said medication, even if our healthcare system is broken.

11) ...for a friend who called to see if I need anything. ♥

12) ...for a day with my 4 year old twin nieces tomorrow, whom I haven't seen since before Christmas. I'll be even MORE grateful if they go a little easy on their old Aunt Darci.

13) ...for Producer Jacole and Director Chris who are INSISTENT that we keep plugging away on my video for "Go On" even though we have no idea how we're paying for it. The French call this Le Stepping in Faithe.

14) ...for butter. Butter is really good.

15) ...for quiet evenings watching dvds with DangerPickleKitty snoring under my coffee table...

...which is about to become reality right now.

"All healing is at first a healing of the heart." ~Carl Townsend

All uphill from here!

Be blessed and thankful,
Darci

Darci's 2010 Reflect-O-Blog

2011-01-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is. New Year's Day 2011. I can't warm up, I have the sniffles and a cough, I didn't go out last night, I had to get up early on a Saturday to go feed my friend's dog, my Blackberry keeps shutting itself down and I have no clue which direction to go with my career from here. Oh yeah...and stupid Time Warner cable doesn't give me access to Oprah's new OWN network. I have access to 997 channels of violent, over-sexed, embarrassing-for-America trash...but TW won't give me the ONE channel that's sole purpose is uplifting television. *sigh*

And still my heart is light as I'd like to shout from the rafters, "THANK GOD 2010 IS OVER!!! THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU! PRAISALUIAH!!!"

And I thought 2009 was a roller coaster. 2010 cleaned its clock and took its name.

Starting off with my baby sister moving to Chicago one year ago today, the first half of the year was all downhill from there. It felt like I was mourning a death (Taurus' HATE change). My sisters are my best friends. So it was a good four months before I could actually talk to her on the phone, cuz the sound of her cheerful little voice would just make me burst into tears like a stoopit girl. I know, ridonkulous, right? Get OVER yourself, you freakin' pansy. Some people have actually lost loved ones for real this year -- you have no right to act this selfish.

And yet, I did.

This is not to say I cocooned myself in my apartment for half a year or actually allowed myself to wallow all that often. I made great efforts to get out of the doldrums (this is a big deal for me, cuz I tend to enjoy the wallowing). However...the Great Recession decided to nail me full force at the same time, so "fun" - which costs a buck or two - was few and far between. I think I went from January (which is usually a busy time of year for me for voice students, what with New Year's rezzies and all) to June with two or three students MAX at any given time. Sometimes it was one student a week. My nanny job was precarious from week to week because the girls' mom had been laid off the previous July and money was really getting tight for them by this point.

Then came news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, which very quickly snapped me out of my "woah-is-me" mentality. So one of my biggest efforts to get back on the posi-train was to produce a benefit for Doctors Without Borders. I was so grateful to have a focus, something to keep me busy, something to do for others so I could stay out of my head (I'm not saying I was grateful for the quake, do NOT misunderstand me -- it simply woke me up). Alaaaaaasssssss...a friend who had agreed to run sound for me misinterpreted something I said, refused to accept my apology (or even speak to me) and backed out of the benefit a week before the show. I then found myself scrambling to find sound equipment and someone to run it to pull off the show while deeply grieving the end of that friendship. Even still...there's that little lump in my throat when I think about it -- it's never been resolved.

So one of my best friends moved far away and another threw me completely out of his life in the span of about five weeks.

BP Oil Spill. Earthquakes in Chile and China. My beloved Nashville gets flooded and the news media doesn't give a rip cuz they were too busy covering the spill and the UNSUCCESSFUL car bomb in NY (2010 went on to produce $222 billion worth of disasters before it was over. Jesus is coming - look busy!).

The icing though? The friggin' cherry? This year I was turning...ahem...coughcough...gulp...the big 4-0. This was a problem for several reasons.

1) Some say a woman in the entertainment industry is dead after 25.

2) I decided when I moved here in 2001 that I'd tell people I was 27. I kinda still had been.

3) I have always said that when I turned 40 I'd stop lying about my age.

4) But wait - I'm still 27!!!

But most pressing...

5) What the hell have I been doing for forty years? I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING! NUH. THING. AT. ALL! THIS ISN'T WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY FORTY! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

My friends all have successful careers, businesses, beautiful families, etc. Now, I chose long ago not to worry about marriage and kids and I still do NOT regret that. But I do recognize that my friends who have chosen that path have accomplished a beautiful thing and they have their legacy. Me? I married music and the songs I write are my babies. And at that moment I felt like no more dysfunctional a "family" could possibly exist. My "husband" was a selfish, soul-sucking, finance-depleting, unemployable good for-nothing who beat me and my "kids" were wit-challenged, lazy, whiny little ingrates who contributed nothing to the family unit and made me wonder often how a reasonably intelligent and talented individual such as I could have produced such rotten offspring.

And where do I go from here?

Needless to say, the first half of the year felt like I was constantly gasping for air, for SOME kind of life, grasping for SOME spark of creativity, for SOME kind of validation that I hadn't completely destroyed my life. For the first time in my entire life I wasn't just alone...I was lonely. I honestly feared I'd soon have to decide if I was going to show up on my mother's doorstep, accept that my life as a performer and recording artist was over and I would now live the rest of my life as a batty old maid with cats, teaching tone-deaf 11 year olds songs from "Annie" for twenty-five bucks an hour. In Johnstown, NY. While the place has cleaned up a lot since I left,there's still nothing else to do there but get drunk or pregnant...just as it was in high school. Obviously, my eggs are pretty hard-boiled at this point. So that leaves drunk. Cheers.

I know, I know. SHUT UP ALREADY!

The healing began with Jim Caruso's Cast Party at the Magic Castle on April 1st, where I, accompanied by the great Billy Stritch, sang to a packed room of big deal theater folk, producers, composers, celebrities, etc....and the crowd roared. Then came a show I was called to do at the last minute -- a Broadway review show. I had to sing real show tunes, where I accidentally rediscovered my inner actress...and found out that I can be really funny while I'm singing and the sound of people laughing at you (when they're supposed to) is really addicting. I realized it had been soooooo long since I'd really performed with total abandon that I'd forgotten what it was like. Little flickers of life...

Then I threw myself a birthday party. Not cuz I really wanted to celebrate my entrance into official middle-agedom, but because I didn't want to regret that I didn't later. It was that decision that brought forth a miracle in my heart. Since I already chronicled it in an earlier blog, I won't go into detail again, but suffice it to say that a) I found out how many people actually do give a s**t or two about me in this god-forsaken city and b) as soon as I turned that dreaded number...I STOPPED CARING ABOUT IT. I had built up so much anxiety over it for months and months (okay, pretty much since I turned 35)...I don't know what I was expecting it to feel like. Like a truck hitting me or something? It didn't. It came in on a wave of love, celebration, laughter and music. And I literally woke up RELEASED afterward. Almost like I'd had great sex! Not that I recall what that's like either...but as I imagine it would be. Like in the movies and stuff. But I digress...

Then I took a wonderful trip to New York City with my amazing Canadian friend Tiffany (she made it all possible) where I watched my good friend/co-writer Levi win a Tony, where I got to sing at the world famous Birdland, where we spent some time at the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Ground Zero...it rejuvenated me further. I came home having decided, for once and for all, that my life is MINE and can be whatever I want it to be. No one gets to tell me "no" but me. You wanna tell me I'm too old? You wanna tell me I'm too fat? I'm not pretty enough? I don't sing the "right" way? I'm all over the niche map? I'm not qualified to teach voice because I don't have my masters in education, my certification in speech level technique, or because I'm a bad accompanist on the piano? You go right ahead. Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! I have been THROUGH IT Nelly, and I'm still standing. Forty is a new beginning for me. I know what I know, I know what I do well and I know that every preconceived notion our society dreams up for us all falls away the minute I open my mouth to sing in front of an audience or instruct a student on how to open their mouth and SING. So naysayers, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Well, not really, cuz smoking is bad for you. So just...go away or something. Pee pee all over someone else's Wheaties.

Thanks to my new 'tude, the rest of the year has mostly been a tidal wave of new students, meeting other musicians, singing at every cabaret and piano bar that will have me, another benefit for Nashville where miracles happened (never mind that I almost killed my neighbor putting the show on), auditioning for tv shows and commercials (as an actor, no less!), slowly dipping my toe into attending church again and my cousin Jenny's wedding! I have had a lot of fun since May and I think I've performed more in 2010 than I did in all the years I've lived here since 2001. Okay, that's kinda sad. But that's what I allowed my life to be before now. I have hoarded my gifts since I moved here - I was warned by a Nashville friend who knew a little about how L.A. works that I should NEVER sing for free out here. "Once it gets out that you'll sing for free, you'll NEVER get paid." So I took that advice to heart. Nine years later that advice hasn't worked (I'm a slow learner, shut up). So this year I finally said, "Screw it, I'll sing anywhere...it's the ONLY thing that makes me happy whether I'm paid for it or not." And while I haven't exactly been rollin' in the dough, a funny thing happened. My student roster started growing. Every time I sing, someone asks for my card. So this year I'll have PAID gigs AND lots of students. And some studio work again (which is my fave cuz I don't have to gussy up!). And maybe a tour...singing backup for someone, a national tour of a Broadway show, my own shows...I don't care what it is. I'm gonna travel and sing, travel and sing.

So now I feel excited about 2011. I still have NO CLUE what I'm gonna do with it, but I'm going one day at a time right now. My only true goals are to be kinder to myself, kinder to others, write songs and sing, sing, sing. All the pieces around that will fall where they may. Nothing is more important than nurturing my own light which will then spread joy and healing to others via my God-given gifts. There, campers, is your meaning of life. And even though it appears I won't get to see her say it on OWN, as Oprah says, "Live your best life." Truly -- when you choose to do that, others are inspired to live their best lives too and that's what heals the world. And so it is.

Peace, joy, blessings, abundance and love to ALL of you in 2011!

Namaste,

Darci

My Favorite Things for 2010

2010-12-23T00:59:00.000-08:00

Before I write my annual Pre-New Year Reflect-O-Blog, I decided to do a fun little list of some of my favorite things of 2010. Many are celebrations of good news, wonderful happenings or just plain fun things. Be aware however that many became favorites because of the sheer stupidity of the situation or of the person(s) involved. That said, if I poke fun at someone in your favorite political party, please don't assume I'm either a commie pinko bleeding-heart liberal OR a radical evangelical minority-hating conservative. Stupid is stupid on both sides of the aisle. Everyone equally offended already? Good! Let's begin...

1. The repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", signed into law by our President just today. It's a huge step in the right direction for HUMAN rights. I now look forward to the day when ALL people who are willing to die for this country also have the legal right to marry in it.

2. The discovery of the modern day hero, Antoine Dodson, and the subsequent smash hit single recorded in his honor.

3. I had an AMAZING birthday party, thanks to my beautiful and generous neighbors, friends and voice students.

4. My good friend and co-writer Levi Kreis won a freakin' Tony Award. What up with that?

5. And I got to go to the Tony Awards with him! It was my first time at an awards show as a guest and not a performer or seat-filler. I looked hot, too. That's right, I said it. I mean seriously...look at me! *ssssssssssssssssssss!*

6. Re-discovering my inner theater girl.

7. The finale of "Lost." (Cuz it was good, not cuz I wanted the show to end! Waaaaahhhhh!)

8. My cousin Jenny's wedding, where the entire family came together for the first time since...well...her brother Tom's wedding a decade or so ago, I think.

9. Christine O'Donnell. Serious. Comedy. Gold.

10. Pat Robertson blaming Haiti's wicked godlessness for the devastating earthquake they will be recovering from for years to come. What a fine example of Christian love that guy is.

11. Heart put out a new record. Yes, I said "record." Look it up, young'uns.

12. Simon Cowell left American Idol. Good riddance, Negative Nancy!

13. Sandra Bullock won an Oscar.

14. The Double Rainbow guy.

15. The BP guy saying he'd "like his life back." Genius.

16. Rahm Emanuel's consistent diarrhea of the mouth. Looking up quotes made by him is good for hours of fun.

17. Sarah Palin. Just when I think she can't possibly top herself....

18. "Drop Dead Diva" on Lifetime. Yes. I said Lifetime.

19. The Halleluiah Chorus flashmob.

20. Jim Caruso's Cast Party. At the Magic Castle in L.A. AND at Birdland in NYC. Which means I've had the fortune of having the great Billy Stritch accompany me and have shared the stage with huge entertainment icons.

21. My twin nieces, Rylie and Kayla, getting cast on "House." Which means not only do I get to see their cute little faces on tv (cuz let's face it - they're too pretty NOT to be on tv), it means I also got to meet Hugh Laurie, Lisa Edelstein and Robert Sean Leonard this year.

22. This Tweet while the Cumberland River was flooding Nashville: "Dear Jesus, it would be a REAL big help to us if you could turn this water into wine right about now."

23. Started filming my very first music video for my song "Go On (feat. Debby Holiday & Levi Kreis)." Hopefully we can finish it in 2011!

24. Ryan Reynolds. Single.

25. Tiffani (Amber) Thiessen accepted my friend request on Facebook. What?

Okay, though I'm sure I'm missing something important, I hope my little list put a smile on your face and encourages you to make your own list. So many of us have had a very difficult year...I have learned that counting my blessings in the midst of turmoil not only makes me feel instantly better, but reminds me what I do have and opens my heart to others. A glass of wine doesn't hurt, either.

Contentment of heart to you,

I ♥ (Upstate) NY Part II

2010-11-16T12:22:00.000-08:00

(If you haven't read Part I yet, scroll down so you know what's going on!)

I am currently in my friend Levi Kreis' HUGE, gorgeous apartment in New York City and this is the view from where I sit:

Charming, eh? How ya like that pile of trash, there? Ah well...I have learned that Midtown is not my favorite part of NYC. But you can't complain when the accomodations are plenty comfy AND free! (Thanx, Levi and Jason! ♥)

So rewinding back to Friday when I was still Upstate boppin' around my home town of Johnstown, NY...THAT was a busy day. Got up for breakfast with Dad and the seesters at an AMAZING diner called "Forever Young's" -- all fresh food, bought from local farmers, everything hand cut, homemade recipes (the kind that use no measurements and never turn out quite the same way twice) and mountains of it. An example of their sausage and cheddar skillet with cinnamon raisin toast:

Are you kidding me???

After that I honestly don't remember what we did, so drunk was I with delicious artery-clogging yumminess. I think we all went back to Mom's (in whose little apartment we were ALL staying - eventually it was Mom, me, sissy Jodianne, seester Mandi, baby brudder Travis and his sweet girlfriend Meg - three bedrooms, one bathroom) and I took a little nap before I had to get to the church for rehearsal with the wedding organist/pianist, Ed Goodemote.

The bride's mother, my Aunt Chris, was a teacher for...oh I dunno...lots of years. She taught with Ed for the majority of it, so she asked him to play for the wedding. He was a very, very sweet man and as it turned out was also in the middle of doing a play written by my high school drama teacher, Roz Melita, which also featured my Uncle Tony (my late bio-dad's brother, who is fabulously gay...I guess it's in my dna, which would explain why gays find me wherever I go). This is how it is in Johnstown...everyone literally knows everyone else and no matter how long I've been away, names from my past will inevitably surface whenever I come to town. At first this freaked me out, but now I've accepted it and have come to appreciate that familiarity, knowing there will always be a place where people knew me before the Big Wide World got to me. But I digress...Ed and I had some practice time and all went relatively well. It was a little bit of work, as he was admittedly nervous and I'm used to players who are practically one-man bands, but in the end he did just fine and I think everyone was pleased. And he was truly soooooo nice.

Rehearsal dinner at The Winner's Circle in Fonda. Buffet. REAL WINGS!!! Giant platter of olives and pickles, at which point I said to mom, "This is definitely Jenny's wedding," as she was the one who claimed ownership of the olive and pickle platters at Thanksgiving every year when we were kids. The cake, however...Jenny's brother Tom was responsible for picking it up. He did not proof-read it. It said, "Congratulations Jennifer." That's it. No mention of Kevin, the groom. So Jenny, a resourceful girl, took some cookies and smashed them onto the cake over the writing. Now it was just...cake and cookies. Brilliant. Aunt Chris and her mother-in-law Charlotte sat with us at our table, which was nice but fun also cuz we got the low down on who everyone in the wedding party was. After dinner followed the bridesmaid and groomsmen gift presentations and tears were shed by all. After that mom and I left because baby brudder Travis and girlfriend Meg were due in from Boston.

Trav finally showed up, Mandi and Jo harrassed him for awhile, we all crashed.

Saturday was wedding day. Dad wanted to have everyone meet for lunch, but I stayed at Mom's, alone, to shower, warm up my voice and study my lyrics (partly in Italian, which I haven't had to sing in about 20 years). I live alone. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the people, so I needed to get my head on straight before I had to sing. I hate that I missed more time with Dad but I'm glad I had the time to myself, cuz by the time everyone got back and we had to go into "buncha-girls-and-one-dude-getting-ready-for-prom-in-tiny-apartment" mode, I was prepared (poor Mommy was out of her skin with all the stuff laying around the house...she tried so hard to keep it orderly that she'd practically wisk a glass right out of our hands to wash it whether we were done with it or not!). And they were kind enough to bring me back half a grinder from Romana's! If you don't know what a grinder is (and most people outside of the mid-New York State area don't), it's basically a toasted sub but soooooooo much better than any of that stuff you get at Quizno's or chain places. Once you have a grinder, you wil snub your nose at any other sub on the planet thereafter. And Romana's grinders are AWESOME. In fact, I want one right now. Unforch, I am in NYC...so I guess I'll have to settle for an authentic slice o' pizza instead (darn the luck).

So back to the church early for one last rehearsal with Ed...and then The Wedding. And I got the best seat in the house, sitting in the choir loft! Check out this view!

I wanted to take more pictures but my cell phone camera is rather loud and I didn't want to disrupt things too much. I'm glad I got this one good shot, though.

I got through the wedding songs without having a meltdown...I am grateful for the last minute rehearsal cuz THAT'S when I got choked up, so it was out of my system by the time I had to do it for real. The service was short and sweet and over before we knew it (as it should be!). It was lovely and simple. And of course Jenny giggled through the whole thing, cuz that's what she does when she's nervous. Totally cute.

Oh, and for those who might be curious, I sang "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom and "I Will Be Here" by Steven Curtis Chapman as people were being seated, then Andrea Bocelli/Celine Dion's "The Prayer" for the candle lighting.

(Off topic side note...Levi was not here last night when I got in...he was in Montreal doing promotional stuff for MDQ and a show of his own stuff. He got back a bit ago and is now in the living room as I type running songs by Asleep At The Wheel, who are sitting in for tonight's MDQ encore...yeah, just singin' and playin' away...neener neener, LK fans!)

RECEPTION!!! We went to the Glen Sanders Mansion in Scotia. The open bar was cool, but the drinks were a bit weak (in all fairness though, there is more of me to inebriate than most people). So I felt like I got a lot more sodium from my vanilla vodka & Cokes than I got happiness. No matter though, the dinner was DELICIOUS and the dancing was a hoot. Where I come from, it's not a wedding reception if there's no sit-down dinner and a DJ or band (take notes, Southern States...mingling and finger foods is NOT a wedding reception!). I even got my juicy patootie up on the dance floor a few times! I actually went a little nuts when they played Bon Jovi's "Living On A Prayer" (I am not ashamed - everyone was singing at the top of their lungs, including me, them's my boys). My mom and her twin, Uncle Steve, did the jitterbug at one point, all my aunts, uncles and cousins were dancing with each other, Cousin Bill split his chin doing the worm, Dad and Linda cut a very fine rug, and even my 85 year old grandmother got out and did her thing once or twice. My only complaint is that it was over too soon. We had a blast!

The next day dawned way too early. We had lunch planned with Dad and Linda at The Raindancer in Amsterdam (seriously...I know I am not the healthiest or lightest of eaters on the planet, but by Sunday evening I didn't want to eat again for two weeks after this trip!). I pretty much had decided that I liked Linda by the night before, when she didn't flinch over Dad's or his kids' purposeful goofiness on the dance floor (we are a lot to take in), but dinner on Sunday made it official. Dad seems relaxed with her, able to be himself, which is not something I noticed with any other women he's dated...and since he actually went and married this one, it was a great relief. She seemed to just let him be who he is and like that about him, which is something I really wanted for my dad. Stamp of approval. Eldest daughter can rest easy.

After that, it was back to Mom's to see Trav and Meg off (way too short a visit with them) and some much needed lounging. Completely uneventful last night in J'town.

Monday morning I got up around 8:30 to pack up my stuff and get on the Amtrak to NYC for a few days. But before I got on the train, I stopped at the Willing Helpers Home, where my grandmother is a new resident, to see her one last time. She quite literally moved in there the week before I got home. She is suffering from dimentia, her short term memory is shot. And she knows she's forgetting things. Without going into detail...these were the not-so-fun parts of my trip. I face the possibility of her not knowing who I am when next I come home. I am losing my Mima and that makes me intensely sad.

The stupid Amtrak was an hour and a half late. WTH??? I shouldn't be surprised really...this is where I come from. The station is a "shanty" (as my bro called it) in the middle of nowhere. They don't even have a station agent there. What can ya do? Otherwise, it was a pleasant, comfortable trip, WAY more comfy than an airplane...in fact, so comfy that I slept through the whole dang thing and didn't see hardly any of the countryside! Everytime I kinda awoke, I'd groggily think, "Oh...that's awfully pretty..." and then I'd be back out like a light (note to self: travel by train whenever it's possible to do so...but try and be awake for it, at least through gorgeous New York State). I finally get to Penn Station, which wasn't so easy to find my way around (seriously, they need a "To The Surface" sign or two!), and I was hit up for money three times by men claiming to be veterans (one of whom looked like he'd been in a bad fist fight) before I ever started my walk to Levi's apartment. Ah, Midtown. I'm back.

I think that's all I'll write for now...I'll leave my singing exploits for Part III. I'm finally feeling slightly hungry again and want to go get a slice. Yay!

I ♥ (Upstate) NY Part I

2010-11-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

So here I am in upstate New York on a chilly November night. Day two of The Great Wedding Adventure. My cousin Jenny Jo (or Jen, as she now prefers...evs...she is perpetually six years old in my head and therefore perpetually Jenny Jo till one of us kicks it) is getting married to Kevin on Saturday. The entire fam, from all corners of the U.S., have made the exodus to good ole Fulton County, NY (which I've referred to in the past as "The Armpit of the World" -- it's cleaned up quite a bit of late) to celebrate. And I mean CELEBRATE. Open bar, people. As my sister Jodianne said, "BIG mistake. HUGE." We haven't been together as an entire family since the LAST cousin's wedding, which was over a decade ago.

It's so on.

I have been blessed. I don't say that in the way that everyone overuses these days cuz it's "hip" to be "blessed," but I say that really wondering how I got so stupid lucky. I come from a bunch of really intelligent, hard-working, proud, upstanding, athletic, creative and HILARIOUS people. Okay some are more athletic than others...and some of us get to sing. But overall, our family has never had - as far as I can tell - any huge falling out or family squabble or vile hatred of each other, etc. Divorces have happened, sure. Near divorces too, no doubt. But that's the extent of any incivility (is that a word? It is now, anyway). I can't imagine a family where this sister doesn't talk to that brother or Aunt X can't be in the room with Uncle Y or having screaming matches about who Mom liked best...or god forbid, plotting a family member's demise (I watch a lot of Law & Order). In fact, my Dad and his new wife are attending this wedding...and so is my mom. We'll all be together all day. And it's just not that big of a deal.

That said, I got a little taste of the fun we'll be having on Saturday already. The bride-to-be stopped by yesterday afternoon (we don't know where she found the time!) and had a nice visit with me, my sisters and Mom. We laugh a lot when Jenny's around...she laughs at everything we say, but she's pretty hysterical herself and doesn't give herself enough credit for it. She also informed us that she's told people that "the entertainment has arrived." She wasn't just referring to me singing at the wedding. She meant "my crazy cousins from California are here - wait till you meet THEM!" No feeling blue that day, I guess! The show must go on! Not that we would be feeling blue...Jenny's getting married to a very nice man and she's gonna be the prettiest of brides, ever. And no doubt the smiliest. Cuz her smile is 1000 watts even on her bad days.

Today my and seester Mandi's friend Nan drove all the way down from Burlington VT (about 3 1/2 hours) just to have lunch with us! Nan is a friend from L.A. who is an upstate NY native and moved back east a few years ago. We haven't seen her in a couple of those years, I think. So it was not only delightful to see her, but impressive that she would make that trip down and back in one day just for US. We didn't have nearly enough time to catch up, but I'm grateful for the time we did get. And she brought us Vermont treats. We love Nan. ♥

After returning from lunch, Dad and new wife Linda stopped by (*surprise!*), as they'd just got off the plane and had a little time to kill. This is my first time meeting Linda, even though she was apparently the nurse at my elementary school (I have no recollection!). There wasn't much of a chance to really get to know her in that half hour, but she seems very nice so far. The real litmus test will be how she handles family dinner on Sunday afternoon. Dad has been known to play "war" with the remains of his surf-n-turf on his plate. Does she know THAT Dad? I hope so. And I hope she loves that Dad.

After that, we raced off to Uncle Steve (Mom's twin) and Aunt Penny's to hang with them, his daughter (Cousin Lindsey), my grandmother Mima and Aunt Micki and "Uncle" (dude's my age) C.B., who'd just gotten in from Colorado. Cousin Bill unfortunately had to work. Aunt Penny can COOOOOOOK, peeps. Lasagna, meatballs, an unbelievable salad, wine, wine and more wine...and sooooooo much laughter! I was so tired (cuz I flew in on a red eye Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and between that and the time zone change my clock is all whacked out), but not nearly ready to go when Mom called time (early work in the morning for her). I was glad to know more was to come on Saturday.

So far so good. Tomorrow breakfast with dad, pre-rehearsal with the pianist, wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, then my baby brother comes in from Boston. I guess I'd better rest these cords as I'm on the job tomorrow. Who says there are no jobs out there? There's always work for a singer. :-)

...to be cont'd...

For Matt

2010-09-23T18:39:00.000-07:00

Feeling unmotivated is a dangerous place for Darci to be. It's different from just feeling lazy...lazy for me means, "I'm taking the day for myself. I'll watch a movie or two, maybe read a little bit. Make the conscious decision to shirk responsibility because I need a break." Lazy can be healthy on occasion.

However, unmotivated means, "I'm in a rut. I don't know what to do or where to focus next. IS there even anything to do or focus on? And if I do manage to get my ass in gear I'll probably manage to screw it up..."

And just like that, Dark Darci has broken into the building, taken Delightful Darci hostage and beaten her right back into submission.

I was wondering why I woke up feeling this way when I'd been doing so well recently and I have to attribute it to two things of which I'm aware:

1) I've had a sinus infection the last couple weeks that just won't quit (actually I think it turned into a little head cold, but don't tell Delightful Darci, because she's choosing to believe that "even now her body is restoring itself to its original state of perfect health and well-being."). Turns out I'm not a very good patient. Prolonged under-the-weatherness tends to wear on my attitude faster than anything else that presently comes to mind.

2) My neighbor Matt, he who can MacGuyver a back yard into a full fledged mini-amphitheater, is back in the hospital with pneumonia...and most likely numerous other things that he will not tell me about. "I'm fine, dear, I'll be fine."

Those who know me and participated in Angels Over Nashville will recall that a couple days after we put on that fundraiser, Matt was hospitalized for a collapsed lung. He had about one week after he came back home where he was full of energy and could not stop eating (he definitely needs to eat) but after that he started hiding away in his apartment for a few days at a time. Now, Matt hasn't been well for years. He was born with health issues and had, if I remember correctly, something like 70 surgeries on his feet by the time he was five years old. But he's the Terminator, you can't stop him, nor will he EVER say no to someone he cares about and when you say "keep it simple," that to him signifies, "pull out all the stops." The weather got unseasonably cool during this time, so I assumed he was feeling achy and taking it easy, because having had a few surgeries myself, I know how incision locations can be uncomfortable during drastic temperature changes. I never allow him more than three or four days of disappearance though, before I call him or let myself into his apartment to check on him. This time on the fourth day, I left him a message asking for his advice on how I should paint a piece of furniture I'd just bought (he's always refurbishing things), but didn't hear back. By my other neighbor Chris later that evening, I'd found out Matt was back in the hospital.

Without regaling you, dear reader, with the details of his health issues over the years (many of which I probably don't even know), I'll simply say this: it appears he will be in the hospital for some time - and I personally fear that it doesn't look good this time. And I'm not sure what to do about it because I am terrified that if - God forbid - he never comes home that I'm the one to blame. Between my birthday party in May and A.O.N. in June, I believe he planned and designed and hauled and lifted and built and painted and constructed and decorated way way way too much for his body to handle (he's freakishly strong for someone of his frail appearance, but I think he's also in a bit of denial about how much he can take, too). The doctors suspect he had that collapsed lung a good couple or three days before we even did the show - and he kept working right through it. My pleas to keep it simple went naturally ignored, as did my questions about whether he'd put anything in his body other than white wine and cigarettes all day. He's not been the same since he got back from the hospital after A.O.N. And he did that for free, for me, simply because I asked if we could do it.

I'm afraid I'm killing him.

So I'm unmotivated and in a funk and in a strange mental suspension. Not to be macabre or anything, but if he never comes home, life as we all know it at Riverton Bowl will drastically change. We, his neighbors, have had this at the back of our minds for a long time, now. This isn't Riverton Bowl without Matt. What was once a dirt mound in the middle of a strip of auto and industrial shops, Matt has single-handedly (and out of his own pocket) turned into this little Eden:

This is my front yard.

With his bare hands he made this stage for my birthday party and the Angels Over Nashville benefit:

(Kelly Z. and Perry of Kelly's Lot)

And this lovely set up for the audience and party goers:

If my pilot lights go out, he comes and lights them for me. He often shows up at my door with something he found at Big Lots that he knows I could use. He painted my coffee table for me. When I approached him about teaching voice lessons at home his response wasn't to complain about all the noise it would make but said, "Well it's about damned time you decided to make some money with those gifts of yours. At least SOMEONE in that apartment will be singing!" And now, he waits to water the lawn till my voice lessons are done for the day. He never orders a pizza without asking if I want to order, too. He bought me a welcome mat simply cuz he thought I needed one. He asks me every spring what color flowers I would like in the planter in front of my window. He feeds my cat, DangerPickleKitty, whenever I go out of town. He leaves copies of Cabaret Scene magazine wedged in my door when I'm not home. He brought me a flower one day because the day before I'd had a bad day. When one of our neighbors was out of work, Matt offered to pay him to go through his mother's LP collection and inventory everything (in which they found a 78 of the Jackson 5 signed by Tito, Jermaine and yes, Michael Jackson, worth a minimum of $3000). And every holiday season, starting on October 1st, he decorates lavishly for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Many of these are things I cannot do, or wouldn't actually think to do myself. Whomever comes after him certainly won't.

Most importantly, if not for Matt, I might very well have ended up homeless five years ago. Times were very rough for me and I was looking for an apartment with a bankruptcy on my record. No one - and I mean NO ONE - would rent to me, despite the facts that I'd been at a stable job for two years and that my mother was even willing to cosign. When I came to look at this place, both my options and time were rapidly running out. I could tell Matt, who was acting as property manager for the purpose of showing the apartment, took a shine to me immediately (as 99.9% of gay men do) and said he'd put in a good word for me. He told me later that after I left he immediately called our landlord and said, "I want HER." Landlord said, "Well I have to check her credit and such," and Matt said, "There's a bankruptcy, but I don't care, I want HER to be my neighbor and I'm not letting anyone else look at the place. If you want to show it to anyone else you'll have to come do it yourself." And just like that, it was done. Thank God, thank God, thank God for Matt. Two weeks later and I would've been on the street, but instead I was moving in next door to a chain-smoking, wine-drinking, award-winning lighting/set designer with the patience of Job, the heart of a lion, a gifted green thumb and a knowledge of musical theater I'd dare anyone to best.

Don't get me wrong. Matt's my neighbor and he still finds ways to annoy the crap out of me, cuz that's what neighbors do. Blasting original Broadway cast recordings and gay icons at decibal eleven with his front door open is one of them. But I'd be okay to hear Barbra's machine-gun vibrato or a few very loud bars of 42nd Street right about now. I just want him to come home.

I'm not sure my heart - or my conscience - could deal with the alternative.

(If you'd like to comment on this blog, you are most welcome to, but please do not privately email me about this. I don't want to have discussions going on in several different places. In fact, I don't really want to discuss it any further than this at all at the moment. Thanks for understanding.).

Lessons in Letting Go

2010-09-18T02:30:00.000-07:00

So, I have interesting things upon my heart this evening but am not quite sure where to begin or quite how to share any of it because other people are involved...and I don't wish to rock anyone's boat, including mine. However, I have learned much about myself this week about how I am beginning to deal with relationships as opposed to how I have in the past, experiencing miracles...I feel compelled to share.

Quite simply, I am learning to let go and let God.

(Okay, I realize some of you reading my blog don't believe in God in the traditional Christian sense or even at all. I hope you won't feel discouraged to read on, but will apply a moniker that is comfortable to you...Higher Power, the Universe, Goddess, etc. Uh...except Satan. I have to draw the line somewhere. Moving right along...)

Lesson #1:

Earlier in the week a new friend dropped me from her friends list on Facebook. I know right? OH THE HORROR!

Or...not.

This new friend has been a bit of a dilemma to me since we met. Her first impression was NOT good. But being a person who does not make good first impressions herself (as I've been told all my life, I am apparently "intimidating" upon first meeting and it seems NO amount of either true sincerity OR syrupy sweetness I employ in my "Nice to meet you!" makes a difference), I decided to give her a second chance when she approached me to get together. So we had a couple outings, a few phone calls, all went well enough.

But my gut nagged me. And nagged me. And nagged me.

I dismissed it and told myself that I just needed to find my footing with this person. That perhaps we simply weren't a natural match, we were both strong women and needed to just allow each other to be who we were and accept each other as such. At least, I would do so with her. After all -- in trying to learn not to judge myself so harshly (I have a real abusive streak within myself), I am trying not to do so with others as well.

Alas...this woman, while very intelligent, driven and talented, seemed to be dogged by drama everywhere she went. And without getting into gory details, I dare say stirred the pot herself on several occasions. Over the course of two short months I watched her establish and sever several new friendships, both in person and via Facebook. A couple posts she made seemed suspiciously undermining to me personally, but I will give the benefit of the doubt that I'm mistaken because things aren't always as they appear (and shockingly, the world doesn't actually revolve around me...uh...whatEVER!). However, she was also very critical of others, prone to gossip and - I hate to go here - opportunistic. There is a difference between someone who is friendly and a good networker and one who is merely an opportunist. Living in L.A., it is often very hard to tell the difference. And in one particular situation her opportunism did involve me, though I never mentioned to her that I'd found her out.

And so...my dilemma was what to do about this new person in my life. I am working hard on choosing happiness and joy on a daily basis lately (not an easy task for a New York-raised temperamental and stubborn French/Italian girl), asking God to lead the right people to me (either in friendship or business) who are also seekers of joy. By her words and actions this person had indicated that she was not interested in that. And really that's perfectly fine...but it is not an ideal environment for me. So I had been asking of God, "How did I attract this person and what am I supposed to learn - or perhaps teach - here?" And then I'd said, "It is what it is. Whatever is going on, just allow me to be a vessel of good and let the chips fall where they may."

As it turns out...that's all I had to do. Because it wasn't long after that that she dropped me from her friends list (allegedly because I had someone on my own list that she claims to have a very bad history with and didn't want to be found by). And so...she severed another new friendship. Just like that.

There was a time when this sort of action would DEVASTATE me. I would blame myself, whine about what I did wrong, obsess over why that person didn't like me enough, etc., etc. This time not so much. Not because my heart is a cold little lump of coal and I didn't care about the person, but because I let go of control of it and let the Universe handle it. And handle it it did. Knowing I'm pursuing a different kind of life for myself, one of joyfulness, love, prosperity and service, and seeking people of like mind, God removed a possible obstacle in that path almost faster than I could blink. When I said, "It's all yours," it was done. The End.

No doubt I will still see her around - and I harbor no ill will and will be more than friendly and courteous to her when I do. And I sincerely hope that she will one day find a way to break the chains of her own discontent.

Lesson #2:

I have a long time friend in another city far away who is the grandest of all fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants types you will ever meet. Ever. I MEAN EVER. Often to his detriment. And often, unwittingly at the expense of people he cares about.

I'm a planner. To a degree. I've learned though, since I've stopped working those miserable 9 to 5's (or 6's, as is actually the case these days), how to go with the flow a little bit more. As a musician, voice coach and part time nanny, my weekly schedule often changes from day to day. And I've learned to be okay with that.

(This also means the income fluctuates too...which I'm not quite so okay with yet. Learning. Drop a tip in the jar? Thanks! --->)

Except when I'm traveling. Especially when I am relying on the kindness of others to put me in a bed at night and I've spent my hard-earned money on a non-changeable, non-refundable plane ticket(s). It's a lot to descend upon a person's already-established routine and personal space, especially when a significant other also shares that space - and so I don't assume anything. I PLAN.

Unfortunately my friend doesn't know how to answer his phone, a text, an email, a Facebook post or a direct message on Twitter. If MySpace mattered anymore, he no doubt would've ignored a message there, too. Seeeeeeeriously. ANSWER A DIVA!!!

Finally, at least knowing I'd prior been given an open invitation to come visit at any time I'd like, I send an email saying, "Tried to call and verify dates with you...I'm coming to stay with you on X,Y and Z. Hope it's still okay, can't wait to see you."

What happens? Butthead goes and books himself another committment OUT OF TOWN on one of the days I'm coming to visit!

DOUBLEYOO TEE EFF???

I felt like someone had just shredded my soul. I was sooooooo hurt, thinking, "Oh my God...he forgot I was coming to visit...I am at the very best an afterthought to him." This is a person who is family-of-choice for me. We've been through a lot together. We've definitely had our issues and we've worked through them. This is not a person that only crosses my mind once in awhile, or is just an acquaintance or business contact. He is family. He is stuck with me.

And it felt to me that despite being told I am the same to him, it was never true. Because who the hell goes out of town when their sister-from-another-mister is coming to visit???

And so I left him a "You'd better call me NOW!" voice mail and then had a really REALLY good cry for a few minutes. Okay more than a few minutes. This was not the first time my friend's happy-go-lucky ways have ended up causing me pain, frustration or plain ole outrage. Truth be told, I have always felt like an afterthought to him and this felt merely like solid, unmistakeable proof at long last. And so, after the good cry, I prayed and considered what to do next. It seemed I had a decision to make. I would not go through this sort of thing anymore. I just wouldn't. And miraculously, I let it go. My anger dissipated. I was still hurt, because it is sometimes painful when it's a person you've decided to let go, but I had peace about it. In my mind I said, "Whatever happens will be fine. He might fix it, he might not, we might stay friends, we might not, but either way it's all good, because I cannot try to make him be something he is not...but I am also not willing to feel like this anymore."

And for the first time in my life, I did not dwell. I knew we'd talk about it eventually, but in the meantime I didn't put on my sackcloth, go sit in a pile of ashes and gnash my teeth waiting for a call. I didn't lose any sleep that night (this is saying a lot for an insomniac). I didn't writhe and moan and cry out, "Oh God, why doesn't he caaaaaaare??? Why doesn't anyone loooooooooove meeeeeeeeee???!!!" Hello...I didn't even go get me some CrackDonald's! I simply didn't put on any of those comfortable, smelly old shoes.

You people don't know. This is HUGE for me. I mean HUGE. An Oprah-worthy breakthrough!

We talked the next day. Turns out his job is sending him out of town, so he had no choice, but I can still stay at his place while I'm in town. I said that where I'd stay wasn't the point. So I was tearing up a little bit (cuz I'm just not as confrontational as people think I am) and he didn't understand why. So I told him how it looked to me and how it had made me feel - like he hadn't remembered or cared that I was coming to visit.

And then a miracle happened. For the first time in all the years I've known him, with all the arguments we've had, I have NEVER heard him say the words he said next:

"Oh my God, I'm soooo sorry..."

That made me cry more.

He went on to say that I should never think that I'm an afterthought and of course he knows he has to get better with communication and scheduling but I could show up on his doorstep tomorrow and it would always be okay and one of the reasons I'm in his life is to help him learn this very thing and blah blah blah. I didn't hear much else because I was so stunned by his reaction, which in the past is usually something closer to frigidly saying, "Well...what you think isn't true, so you shouldn't feel like that." Not exactly comforting, ya know? This is a testament to how hard he's been working on himself as an individual as well, that for the first time we've had a misunderstanding he apologized to me and even sounded appropriately horrified. It was a salve on my heart. And all I've ever needed to hear, I realized later.

When we hung up the phone, I thought back to other misunderstandings we'd had over the years and how worked up I'd get, how much drama I'd make out of it, how hard I tried to get him to change...and how he in turn would shut down, detach and act unconcerned about how I felt. I don't know if our conversation today was anywhere near the big deal to him as it was to me...but I know that if I had not chosen the night before to take responsibility for myself only and not try to manipulate the situation into what I wanted that our conversation would have ended very differently. And it wouldn't have been a good ending at all. I am so grateful for the changes that are going on within both of us and the long-needed repairs to our friendship taking place, even this many miles away. All from handing the control over. It's amazeballs.

Now if can just learn to let go of this nagging little sinus infection...baby steps, I guess...

Gifts The Storm May Bring (Part Three)

2010-08-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

Alright...I'm finally making myself finish part three of this blog that all two of you have been patiently awaiting! To read part one, click here and to read part two, click here. Or, just scroll down a bit. Or...A LOT.

So where we last left off..."Angels Over Nashville," the benefit I threw together for flood victims. Having lived there for twelve-thirteenish years, I was heartbroken over the devastation to the beautiful city I got my career started in. I HAD to do something. So, having had so much fun at my birthday party, my wonderful neighbors (Matt, Chris, Jen and Leslie) were agreeable to hosting a concert on our property (aka: "Riverton Bowl"). It occurred to me that it was much more cost effective than trying to get a venue in this pay-to-play town. This way, 100% of the cover goes to the cause and NOT the venue, parking's plentiful and free, there are no drink minimums and the atmosphere was casual and pressure-free. AND we could webcast it so our friends in Nashville could watch if they wanted.

The lineup that night was Illusionary (instrumental smooth jazz), Melissa Collins (adult contemporary/pop), Marie Pettit (comedy), Bobby Werner (neo soul/hip hop), Kelly's Lot (blues/rock), HiTPLAY (Joe Hogue and Sean Peterson - pop/hip hop) and of course, moi. Not in that order, exactly. Here's the poster I made, which I'm pretty dang proud of for someone who has NO graphic art skills or owns Photoshop!

So I had decided NOT to send the money we raised to the Red Cross because they weren't actually dispersing the funds they raised to families in need. They delegated them to other things, which perhaps in some crisis is appropriate, but in this case homes were completely destroyed and no one in this landlocked state had flood insurance. Therefore many desperately just needed money to rebuild. They didn't need a therapist with a boxed lunch. I instead chose to send part of the money to MusiCares, because not only were they the only organization I'd heard was actually distributing cash to those who needed it, but they'd helped me out a little over a year ago when I needed it. I also decided to adopt a special family who qualified for no FEMA or tradtional charitable assistance but had $40,000 worth of damage to their family home and no way to pay for it.

I cannot describe to you the many blessings that came out of putting on this event. My neighbors Matt and Chris built a stage complete with pretty lighting! Chris' brother-in-law, who works for the Ellen Show, donated our sound system and Illusionary donated the use of an FX mixer to round it all out. Kelly Z. of Kelly's Lot got Widmer Beer, who sponsors them, to donate beer for our event. We had amazing raffle items - photography sessions, makeup sessions, handmade jewelry by Gina Venturini Designs (my Tony jewelry designer), space organization sessions, original artwork by Gene-Manuel and Lori Bowen, signed CDs by our artists that were performing as well as my friend/cowriter and newly-minted Tony winner Levi Kreis, portable workout equipment, signed headshots from Booboo Stewart ("Twilight: Eclipse"), free voice lessons (of course from me!), baked goods from MandiCakes, acupuncture sessions, massages, and...and...aw, man so many things that I can't think of everything or possibly link to EVERYONE who donated goods or services. On my neighbor Jen's brilliant suggestion (as she works for the Woodland Hills Chamber of Commerce and her life is seemingly one charitable event/raffle after another), I ended up pooling together certain relatable items and creating three large raffle packages and those who purchased raffle tickets could bid some or all of their tickets on whatever package they wanted most to win. First, I made a "Zen Package" full of things that make you feel good (like the massage, acupuncture, MandiCakes, bath and body stuff, some artwork, etc.). Next a "Supah Stah Package" full of stuff that actors and/or musicians could use (like headshots, makeup session, fabulous jewelry, voice lessons, etc.). And finally a "New Music Package" that contained all the autographed merch from the artists involved plus a few others. After that we still had a bunch of gorgeous jewelry and a few other items that we raffled off piece by piece.

The show itself went amazingly smoothly, considering I didn't know as of that morning who was emceeing (Neighbor Leslie stepped in and was FANTASTIC) or what I was singing or whether or not one of my artists would make it from a family function in time for his set. Most everything righted itself by showtime and the remainder did as the evening progressed. The webcast looked and sounded REALLY good (according to feedback) and we were blessed with absolutely perfect weather. Everyone was relaxed and enjoying themselves.

As you can see, we had an AMAZING night! (See a whole bunch of more pictures here)

But at the end of the night, we'd only brought in about $700. We just didn't have the attendance I was hoping for. I was soooooo disappointed. I busted my butt to get the word out. I personally spent hours one day putting fliers on cars in my neighborhood and in Burbank (and was threatened with legal action for doing so by Bob's Big Boy...JERKS! BOYCOTT!). We had announcements on several podcasts and blogs (thanks to my friend Karen Brundage who helped with the PR). But, much of my fanbase is gay, and it was Gay Pride weekend in San Francisco (in case you don't know, San Francisco = gay Mecca). So lots of my friends/fans who may have come to the event otherwise travelled for Pride that weekend - with their "disposable incomes." I had a lineup of great talent, but mostly newcomers whose fanbases weren't established yet. Still, I had thought the perks of not raping my audience's wallets with drink minimums and parking fees - AND OFFERING FREE BEER! - would save us.

Alas, it didn't. Oh, L.A. Are you trying to kill me?

I was deflated. I knew MusiCares would be just fine, since even the littlest bit coming in from all manner of places adds up for them...but I definitely felt like I had let our adopted family down, the father of which happened to be an old friend from college. He assured me that even half of that would buy a hell of a lot of sheet rock and that they were just blown away that a bunch of strangers would come together to do something for his family 2000 miles away - but still I was inconsolable. The day after A.O.N. I just went to Karen's (aforementioned friend in P.R.) and caught up on that season's episodes of "Supernatural" so I wouldn't spend all day in bed feeling sorry for myself.

Because of course, this was all about ME, right? About God blessing MY efforts because I was doing a good thing and for Pete's sake no one else was bothering so all the good karma was on its way to ME, right?

Ummm...gross.

Monday morning comes and I'm still enjoying my pity party. I get a phone call from someone who had attended the concert. She said she and her husband simply couldn't get our adopted family off their minds and felt compelled to do something more. She asked what the take ended up being and I told her. She then explained that they set aside money every year specifically for charitable donations and they wanted to donate enough to make our earnings for the event an even $2000. One condition: anonymity. Because "God asks us to give, but He also asks us to do so humbly," she said. I just burst into tears. I couldn't even believe it. As my little sister Mandi would say, "It's a Christmas miracle!" Christmas in June, at any rate!

And guess what? It was NEVER about me. DUH. Ah, creative types. We are terribly, terribly self-absorbed sometimes.

Give. And do so humbly.

Maybe JLo isn't the narcissistic hack I've always maintained (and heard). Maybe she does charitable things and donates gobs of money to the needy quietly, when the papparazzi aren't looking. How do I know she doesn't?

What? A girl can dream.

And so...there's not much else to say except that calling our adopted family to tell them was one of the greatest moments of my life. The one and only time I was more than happy to hear the words, "Shut. Up!" directed at me. I've never been happier to make a call in my life. And I detest talking on the phone.

My sincerest thanks to all involved - my amazing neighbors Matt, Chris, Jen and Leslie, all the wonderful musicians who donated their time (and merch), everyone who donated goods and services for our raffle, my dear friend Nick who designed the fabulous logo, Karen with the P.R. and especially our Anonymous Angels! I don't plan to stop there...I would like to write a song with Levi and record it and donate the profits to the ongoing relief effort. Nashville's doing much better, but there was $1 billion worth of damage and still thousands of families displaced. They will need our help for a long time.

If you missed the concert or the webcast, you can still donate to help our adopted family, the Scoggins', or MusiCares at the following links:

To the Scoggins Family:

http://www.jenniferpaige.com/wilsonpike

(Ms. Paige is Mr. Scoggins' sister)

To MusiCares:

http://www2.grammy.com/MusiCares/NashvilleFloodRelief/

And more pics here!

Storm: Nashville, literally.

Gift: Angels, everywhere I go, everywhere I am.

Life has just been such a wonderful ride lately. More stories to come! Thank you sincerely for reading!

Gifts The Storm May Bring (Part Two)

2010-07-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

July 4th - this is a continuation of Part One, so you might want to scroll down and catch up with that first so you know what's going on. After you get a snack and a beverage and make yourself comfortable, that is. This puppy's practically a novella. Check out a bunch of pics from my NY trip HERE.

Alright...on Monday I checked out of the Hampton Inn and since no one at La Casa Levi was answering phone calls, I wandered around Midtown for a few hours since I couldn't check into my new hotel for awhile.

Again, Midtown stank. But the people-watching was AWESOME!

At one point, I thought I was sitting outside of Penn Station and updated my status on Ye Olde Facebook and Twitter saying so. My sweet friend, the fabulous up-and-coming artist Gene-Manuel (who I would be meeting for lunch on Thursday), texted me and said he'd meet me to say hi cuz he was close by. Well, in the course of more texting, we discovered I'm a doofus and I had been sitting in front of the Port Authority, indeed NOT Penn Station (cuz somehow I'd not noticed the giant "PORT AUTHORITY" marquee over the doors - ???). That boy went and ran ten blocks to meet me ANYWAY! Crazy fool. But it was lovely to see him even briefly that day. He took me to get my weekly Subway pass and then told me how to get back to the hotel to get my stuff. He also said Midtown's "pretty much a pit" and he's pretty much the most positive guy living on the planet, so I can rest assured it wasn't just me being a snob! :-)

Got my luggage, took a cab to my new hotel on the Upper West Side (frou frou!), On The Avenue. Suh-weet digs! I'd never stayed in a hotel room with a mini-bar before (not even in Vegas, where I visit often - or used to, when I had money to waste). I promptly disrobed and climbed into the AMAZING, poofy bed with way too many pillows (I swear it felt like sleeping on a cloud) and napped. VERY HARD.

And then finally, after about five years of online-only friendship and a few phone calls, my friend Tiffany Keiller - who made this whole trip possible - descended upon New York City from Canada, eh. It didn't even feel weird to meet her. I just said, "It's YOU!!!" and we had a big hug and then jumped on her bed and started yakkety-yakking like school girls.

That night we got dressed and went to the world famous jazz club Birdland for Jim Caruso's Cast Party (read all about my experience with Cast Party in L.A. in my "Magic at the Castle" blog!). I was SO excited to a) finally visit Birdland and SING there after hearing of it my whole life and b) to check out Cast Party where it originally began, AND c) get to see my longtime friend Mark Aaron James (we met back in our Nashville days) who told me about Cast Party in the first place and had just moved back to NY three weeks earlier after a couple years in London. Oh and d) to see my sweet and talented friends Marla and Richard from here in L.A., who were in "Not Your Mama's Broadway" with me and who just happened to be vacationing in NY at the same time! How small IS this world, people? And you don't think there is a Grand Design? I mean C'MON!

Here's video of me singing that night (and I hope those of you without Facebook can view it, haven't had time to get it onto YouTube yet): http://www.facebook.com/v/1467216807835

I cannot put into words how this felt, to be singing at a world famous jazz club, to have shared a stage with Linda Lavin (who had been nominated for a Tony this year), Sarah Paulson (who did some funny impressions at Jim's behest and was in the fabulous but short-lived Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) and other unbelievably talented musicians and entertainers (including an Italian dude who I just saw on America's Got Talent for standing on his head on a basketball - which he did for us at the club - and swallowed some balloons - inflated). AND I got enthusiastic applause, too! Man, New York audiences are tough and they've heard the best singers in the world (and many have sung at Cast Party), so they are not easy to impress, so I kinda felt pretty dang good about that. What a night! AND their food rocked! Delicious roasted rosemary chicken, garlic mashed potatoes and collard greens. Sooooooooooooo good. Oh AND the guy who seated us got up and sang "Stormy Weather" and blew the freakin' doors off the joint! I FREAKIN' LOVE NEW YORK!!!

Me. Onstage at Birdland. Yep. That's right. ME!

So Tiffany was a real trooper and lasted quite a long time for someone who'd been on a plane all day, but finally she started crashing and we had to go before all the entertainment ended (though that's the thing about Cast Party, it can go on for HOURS and unlike L.A., NY bars stay open past 2am). So back we went, feeling euphoric, full and sleepy, to our hotel.

Tuesday dawned and Tiffany, being a mother of two, was up way earlier than me. This happened every morning. She was kind enough not to wake me before 9am, though. We tried to go see the Statue of Liberty but by the time we got there there was a line as far as the eye could see. We asked an employee when the best time to come was and he deadpanned, "8 o'clock." Aka: in the morning. My favorite. So we planned to return on Thursday. We walked around Battery Park a little bit and then decided to head to site of the new World Trade Center construction and St. Paul's Chapel across the street (where the Ground Zero workers would go between shifts to rest, eat, receive massages and love from volunteers from all over the country).

Construction at Ground Zero.

St. Paul's Chapel. George Washington used to worship here when he was President. It's the last standing colonial era church in Manhattan. It took two years to clean up all the debris from the Twin Towers from the property.

Now, Ground Zero is much different from when I visited in 2006 and was inspired to write "Go On." The makeshift memorial walls have been removed (and stored away for the time being) so that construction could begin. But as Tif mentioned, the atmosphere was still heavy. I anticipated that it might be a bit emotional for her being in the area for the first time, but I was surprised at how much it still got to me. Particularly once we went into the chapel, which still has services but is very much serving as an interim memorial, a tiny museum. They had removed all the pews but one (which was at the back of the chapel and covered in scuff marks from the workers boots who'd slept on it), I suppose to make it easier for visitors to move about and view the discreet displays, which are generally makeshift memorials with pictures of missing loved ones, information as to what went on there during the clean up efforts, personal notes and messages from volunteers and workers, hand-made signs and banners of encouragement from all over the world, one remaining rollaway bed, a reverend's robe covered in patches from all kinds of volunteer workers' uniforms from all over the world, even a tattered pair of boots and FDNY jacket, which I couldn't bear to take a picture of or look at very long. It was heartbreaking all over again, but also interesting to walk it through with my good friend from Canada, who was seeing this for the first time and whose wonderful people were there for us immediately after the tragedy. I was happy to be able to share the experience of what it meant to her, a citizen of another country. It opened my eyes a bit to what the city of New York and the U.S. in general stands for to the rest of the world. This is an honor that our leaders of all political parties have perhaps abused and taken for granted in recent decades and certainly must be rectified. We are so lucky to live here. We must never, EVER forget this or act like we, the still living, are entitled to be here. The blood of the dead - from the first Native American slain by the hands of a new settler to the most recent loss in Afghanistan - bought it for us. We should be grateful and humbled.

Sorry. Preachy. I get a little carried away sometimes.

After that, were were definitely ready for some levity. So we got ourselves ready to go see Levi's Tony-winning performance in Million Dollar Quartet at the Nederlander Theater!

Now there was an experience. Levi has been in this show for something like four years, originating his role as Jerry Lee Lewis from when it was just a table read. The show started in Seattle, moved to Chicago and finally landed in New York. I had never seen it. I finally got to and it happened to be his first show as a Tony award winner. Let me tell you something, this little show rocks. It's a jukebox show. Full of wonderful rockabilly classics, good ole fashioned fun. Levi's Tony was deserved (seriously, I'd like to see any PREVIOUS Tony winner sit on top of a piano and play it backwards), but I'd also like to compliment the rest of the cast, who I feel did some really fine work, particularly Robert Britton Lyons whose Carl Perkins was much more nuanced than the book allowed for (and the guy can shred on guitar). If you get a chance to see this show, just go. It's a blast!

Afterward we went backstage...we walked behind the set and saw panel after panel of cast members' signatures from every show that played the Nederlander you can imagine, including Rent:

Tif and I were all set to get our picture with the whole cast backstage. But freakin' Rhoda stole our thunder! We got over it, cuz we got THIS picture instead:

Valerie Harper and the cast of MDQ

But WE got to go up to Levi's dressing room, which is filled with little inspirational sayings on stickies, but desperately needs a woman's - or gay decorator's - touch. So I got this picture, which I lurve:

And Tif got THIS picture! What a sassafrass!

And then Levi showed me the box of chocolates that Whoopi Goldberg sent him (uh, no link necessary!), at which point I had a hissy fit and told him I was OVER being gracious and happy for him and now I was just plain jealous and then I wove a tapestry of obscenities that my parents would be MORTIFIED to have heard come out of my mouth. Tiffany and Levi, however, GREATLY enjoyed my little tantrum.

I mean c'mon. Who gets congratulatory chocolates from Whoopi?

LEVI DOES.

WTF???

So then we left the theater and said goodbye to Levi, as he lives within walking distance. Tif gave me a minute with Levi and that little private moment is just ours. ♥

On that note, I shall take a break and go to a cook out and celebrate Independence Day with my L.A. Family of Choice. I will finish up maybe late tonight or definitely by tomorrow. Would I have had this much fun in ANY other country in the world? GOD BLESS AMERICA!

July 9th - I'm back. Several days later than anticipated cuz it's been a busy week and I ended up with a nasty sinus infection that's trashing my voice. Lots of singing to get through this week so YAY for that! Happy to be on antibiotics and sterrhoids yet again. *thumbs up*

But enough whining...so now I'm having a hard time remembering what all we did on what day! I think Wednesday we stayed in the vicinity of our hotel, which was within walking distance of Central Park (which Tif checked out in the early hours of the morning before waking me up). At some point we had lunch at the amazing, hands down BEST burger place ON EARTH (and I ladies and gents, am a cheeseburger connoisseur)...The Shake Shack. Seriously, the burgers melt in your mouth like buttah! And they serve CRINKLE CUT fries! Ruined me for burgers anywhere else, ever again. Okay that's a lie, but I know where the best are. Then we visited the Museum of Natural History, which was REALLY cool. I LOVE museums! And I believe it's the one in Ben Stiller's "Night at the Museum" movies. Got lots of cool pictures of the ummm..."stuffed"?...animals to show the 3 1/2 year old twin girls I sit a couple days a week. They were enraptured. For five minutes. Then they were back to being shrieking little banshees. ♥ But I digress. That evening we decided to have a low key night and not be out too late so that we could scrape our butts out of bed early enough to see Lady Liberty the next morning, so we went to Times Square. And weirdly, it was quite relaxing! It was THE most beautiful night, humidity had let up, there was a light breeze, temperature was just right and there were enough people to make it bustle but not so many that you got annoyed. We sat for awhile and just watched people. There was an African-American dude dressed up like The Joker (a la Heath) who wouldn't let you take a picture of him unless you gave him a couple bucks. Said he's an actor out of work, with a little girl to feed. Nice guy. Of course, may have been insane and totally lying...one just never knows. After that, we debated - and chickened out of - going to the Empire State Building because we are both not so much in love with heights. I think I could've dealt with it, as I'd been to the top of the Twin Towers before as a kid and that was nauseatingly dizzifying, but since Tif was a first timer in NY, I kinda let her take the lead as to what she wanted to do. And she did NOT feel like conquering her fear that night! So we went back to the hotel eventually and got some rest.

The Joker wreaking havoc in Gotham.

Me protecting Times Square from the Joker. I'm ferocious, huh?

Thursday dawned - which is just an evil sentence in and of itself. Dawn...*shudder*. Lady Liberty day! We made it down there and in line by 8:30am and it went zip, zip, zip, just like Deadpan Boy from the other day had said. I love boats, I've decided. You have to get on one to get to the statue. Another perfect weather day, wind in our hair, the water splashing, and then the MAGNIFICENT site of the statue as you pull up to it. You see pictures of her your whole life, but seeing her up close and in person is really quite an emotional experience. I cannot imagine what the sight of her must have been like to immigrants from other countries who'd been at sea for weeks or months at a time, who had sacrificed everything for just a chance at a better life, not even knowing if they'd survive the trip. I must admit I got veklempt.

"Give me your tired, your poor

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore

Send these the homeless tempest-tossed to me

I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

Words by Emma Lazarus, music by Irving Berlin

Then...Ellis Island. Sobering. I suspect I had relatives from the French side of the family pass through there but I don't have proof (yet). I did a report on it in 4th grade, so it was very interesting to see it in person finally. For the number of people who came through every day in its heyday (about 5,000), it didn't seem that big. I got the heeby jeebies thinking about how claustrophobic it must've been...all the unbathed bodies, all the confused and crying children, all the languages of the world being spoken at once, all the sick and injured and some probably downright crazy, how grumpy the employees probably were. Again...all of that...just to live in America.

I could've spent hours reading every little piece of information in that place (cuz I'm weird like that), but eventually we had to leave to meet our friends Gene-Manuel and Jhon Centurri for lunch. We met at a little pizza place in the West Village and chatted up a storm. Once upon a time, Gene stumbled upon a blog I wrote and dug it. He shared it with Jhon. He dug it. They both befriended me on Facebook and we've been buds since. I met them in person for the first time last September when they visited L.A. and I booked a little acoustic show and bbq in their honor in my backyard (aka, "Riverton Bowl", more on that later). Well Tiffany, being my friend online also became their friend online. And then, being a supporter and lover of the arts, she commissioned magicalized portraits of her kids from Gene. And now FINALLY, she was getting to meet him! Anyone who wants to gripe about the evils of the internet can bite my lily white one...I think it's AMAZING. If not for the internet, I would not have been in New York City that day in the first place, let alone enjoying some time and delicious pizza with three truly good-hearted human beings. Brilliant!

Come to find out...we were mere feet away from historic Stonewall and I didn't even know it! So after lunch, the four of us walked over there to check it out. And since I'm practically a gay man inside, I could not help but get my picture in front of the place.

I'm a tourist in NY, I know I look tragic. Don't judge.

Unfortunately, by this time in my trip, my last full day in NY, my feet were screaming with pain from all the walking. In L.A., no one walks anywhere. We drive. Even the skinny people drive everywhere (they have to get to the gym somehow). I'm admittedly an exercise-hater (why have a couch at all if not to sit on it?). So I knew this trip was going to be a lot for me. That said, I am REALLY proud of myself and how much physical activity I did accomplish throughout the week. I had been so worried that Tif would regret this trip with me, but she said a "more relaxed pace" turned out to be good for her cuz as a mom she's always rushing everywhere. So...it's good to keep a juicy girl around, aiight? However...now I was DONE with a capital D and if I didn't get off my feet and prop them up soon I was going to start crying. They were literally throbbing in rhythm with my heartbeat and I could feel my knees shaking. I'm not even kidding. So sadly my afternoon with Gene and Jhon was cut shorter than I wanted and I went back to the hotel. Tif stayed with them and hung out for awhile longer. So sorry guys! Next trip I'm planning you in the BEGINNING before I lose mobility! Or...maybe I'll go on a diet. Nah, probably not. But it's the thought that counts.

Finally, that night we went out to hear my aforementioned friend Mark Aaron James play at Bar on A in the East Village - which, come to find out, cannot be reached by subway easily. Read: lots more walking. (C'MON!!!) Anyway, this was a new residency for him so the crowd was small, which meant I got to toss out requests for all my favorites of his originals cuz he wasn't really under that much pressure to do a bunch of covers. I'm not sure he loved me all that much for that, but I was happy and Tif enjoyed it. The place was a little bit dive-y but that's my kinda place. I can't stand swanky, glittery, pretentious, touristy joints - or the kind of people who frequent them. I prefer places with stories to tell and this was one of those. My favorite places in New York are the real New Yorker's places. It was a nice, low key last evening in town.

And we split a cab back to the hotel. No...more...WIRE...HANGERS....er...WALKING!

Me and my longtime buddy, MAJ.

And the ONLY pic of me and Tif together on this whole trip. Seriously???

The next morning, we packed up, checked out, had some lunch across the street at Big Nick's Pizza & Burger Joint (better burgers than pizza, but still not better than Shake Shack!) and just walked around the area a little bit more, enjoying the architecture of the Upper West Side. Yes...I could live THERE. During spring and early summer anyway. Then, we got car service to the Newark airport and I hugged Tif just long enough to start to tear up and then I ran away into the airport like the jaded, emotionally-stunted freak that I am while the car drove her off to her own gate and back to Edmonton, Alberta.

Tiffany, I cannot adequately put into words how to thank you. I hope you just know inside how very grateful I am for ALL of it.

Storm: So unimportant.
Gift: TIFFANY KEILLER.

And so I returned to Los Angeles rested, grateful, energized, strangely confident and with a fire lit under my booty. And for starters, I'd take on the "Angels Over Nashville" benefit at Riverton Bowl just a week later. And wait till you hear about THOSE gifts...

...to be continued in Part Three. I know, I know. I PROMISE there will be no Part Four!

Gifts The Storm May Bring (Part One)

2010-07-04T02:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it's absolutely shameful that it's taken me this long to write a new blog. Now it's going to take me six years to catch you all up on what's been going on. Oy! Guess I'll just get right to it, then...

Oh wait. Get a snack. And a beverage. And get comfy.

The last few months have been the craziest of roller coaster rides in nearly any way imagineable. I have been on the highest of highs and some of the lowest of my lows. And as always...I keep on tickin'. The title of this blog is also the title of a song written and recorded by my friend Faith Rivera, as it seemed appropriate on many levels. Take a listen and let her music inspire you.

Shortly after my last post, the heavens opened up and projectile-vomited upon my beloved former home of Nashville, TN and surrounding areas for two or three days straight, causing the Cumberland River to rise 13 feet and overflow, resulting in over $1 billion in damage and killing over 30 people. Last I heard, there are still 11,000 families displaced, having lost their homes to a natural disaster that simply NEVER happens there. These people didn't have flood insurance. It's a landlocked state, why would they?

What do you mean you heard nothing about it?

Oh yes, that's right...that's because the news was busy harping on the bomb that never went off in Times Square and the beginnings of the repulsive BP oil spill in the Gulf instead. Not that I think these were not newsworthy subjects, but if the bomb didn't go off...then great. Let us know when you catch the bastard who planted it. Keep us posted on the spill. But you couldn't send ONE stinkin' news truck to Nashville? Really?

So...not the best start to my birthday month. Which was compounded by the fact that I could do NOTHING to help...AND I was about to turn 40. Oh the mess my little head was in! How was it possible that I was about to reach this milestone unable to pull a Clooney and do something for my beloved Music City??? That wasn't the plan at all! By 40 I was supposed to be a well-respected, multiple award-winning singer/songwriter who makes enough money that the IRS threatens to eat her if she DOESN'T invest much of it in charity.

But alas. This has yet to happen.

I decided to have a birthday party regardless of how I was feeling, only because I didn't want to regret that I didn't later. I thought about booking a show, but my neighbor Matt said, "Why do you wanna work on your birthday? Have your friends entertain YOU instead."

Turns out he's a genius. Cuz that's exactly what we did. We (and when I say "we," I mean Matt) made a rudimentary little stage, we got a simple little P.A. system from my other neighbor Chris' brother-in-law who works on the Ellen Show (a perk of living in L.A. - there's always a connection to someone somewhere), told folks to bring something to grill and/or dish to pass and BYOB.

And boy did we have a BLAST! Now, I expected folks would show up and sing any old song, or do their previously tinkered stand up bits, or a little improv, or anything off the tops of their heads. And that certainly did happen. But to my delicious surprise - a lot of folks showed up prepared with material suited to ME! An original song, an original poem, some pieces tweaked to work for the situation, an improv scene based around suggestions about me, songs dedicated to me...I was just stunned! And I felt so very loved. It was a delightful reminder, since often while living here I've felt very isolated and sometimes feel as if I am friendless (ok, I'm a little dramatic, shut up). For this reason I'm so glad I made myself have the party if for no other reason than to realize that nothing is further from the truth.

Storm: feeling unaccomplished and unable to be of service to those experiencing a REAL storm.
Gifts: Friends, friends and more friends.

Don't get me wrong. Turning 40 still BLOWS (how did THAT happen? I mean SERIOUSLY?) - but the people in my life sure don't. I HIGHLY recommend making your friends entertain you on your birthday. You will be glad you did! ♥ ♥ ♥

And I'm sure MY friends will be happy to entertain you for a nominal fee. With a percentage for booking to me.

Here are a couple pics:

Our little stage, P.A. system and my piano.

And my friends enjoying the entertainment.

After the party Matt's all full of, "NEXT time we'll...and NEXT time we can..." So I had a thought. I had wanted to try and pull together a fundraiser for my Nashville peeps. I had since found out that the Red Cross was delivering boxed lunches and therapists to peoples' doors, but not actually distributing money to people who need to rebuild. FEMA has weird rules as to what kind of home can qualify for assistance (apparently a home you live in does, but a home you own and rent out to someone else does not - doubleyoo tee eff?). I personally knew a handful of families who were in dire straits. So it took me all of five minutes to say to Matt, "What if I did a benefit concert for Nashville here? There's free parking, no obnoxious drink or food minimum, a beautiful atmosphere, no venue owner demanding a cut of the door...every penny we brought in would go to the cause." Matt, being Matt, didn't even hesitate before saying, "Gimme a date." So I chose June 26th...the week after I came back from...

NEW YORK CITY!!!

So one of my first blogs here back at the start of the year explains how my sweet Canadian friend Tiffany Keiller proposed out of the blue that she use points accumulated on her credit card to give us BOTH a trip to NYC for our 40th birthdays (she turned 40 a little less than a month after me). So after I tried to talk her out of it, which she wasn't having, I finally acquiesced and we planned it for June 14th-18th. One of our adventures would be seeing my friend and cowriter Levi Kreis in Million Dollar Quartet on Broadway. I was going to attempt to book a little show somewhere if I could.

Well wouldn't ya know it...Levi went and got himself nominated for a Tony Award for that role. In a conversation over the phone with him letting him know I'd be in town, he says, "Oh man, you're coming in the day after the Tonys, what a bummer. Too bad you can't come in earlier and come with me." Silence on both ends for a moment. I then say, "Let me see about this. I'll call ya back." "Okay!"

I email Tiffany. "Ummmmmm...how much trouble would it be to change my flight date out there?" I explained the situation. And without missing a beat she's all, "Well, you HAVE to go to the Tonys!!!" and then she's on it and goes and changes the flight and I'm now flying in Friday the 11th so I can go to the Tony Awards on the 13th with my boo!

(Tiffany knows of Levi and our songwriting relationship over the years, she knows how we've both struggled and she has been unbelievably supportive of both our careers, so she wasn't about to NOT get me to the Tony Awards. She is the rare fan that turns into a genuine friend. So blessed to know her.)

So between mid-May and June 10th it was a flurry of booking talent and getting equipment and stuff secured for the benefit (now called "Angels Over Nashville" - Los Angeles, angels...get it?) and finding my Tony gown.

OH THE MISERY OF A JUICY GIRL SHOPPING IN L.A. *sigh*

I won't bore you with the minute and gory details of all THAT mess. Let me just say that I HATE shopping and I was not born with that oh-so-common female gene. Even when I'm thin I hate shopping. I even hate Christmas or grocery shopping. In fact, I am not entirely sure how I remain Queen of the Gays when I hate to shop and haven't memorized every word of every musical ever produced. But I digress. Fortunately, a fabulous boutique I'd never been to in my nine years here called Abundance (Sherman Oaks) had THE dress that fit like a glove the minute I put it on. And my sweet friend Jen Svejda took pity on me after I'd been shopping for the right shoes for three days with no luck and said, "Come on, Mama D - I gotchoo, we gonna find them shoes, gurl!" And we did, for cheap at DSW (clearance sales RULE). And the crowning glory was the specially-designed handmade jewelry that was loaned to me by Gina Venturini Designs (that I'm currently saving up to buy from her - back off!). Pics to come further down.

Storm: body image insecurities and money.
Gifts: Clearance sales and friends.

In the midst of this, I was also competing in a round of "Fame," a five week singing contest at Oil Can Harry's that I used to judge (and should still be) in the hopes that I could win $1000 so I wouldn't be so freakin' stressed about going to NY. I was excited, but I had also literally made myself sick on several occasions because 2010 has been my toughest financial year since right out of college (and back then I was too naive to know how poor I really was, plus for some reason I thought bills just "went away" if you didn't pay them...haha!). Can't lie. This trip was the worst. possible. timing. No, I didn't have to pay to get there or sleep there, but I didn't have a cent to get around or eat. I'd just dropped a good little chunk on the Tony-wear (nothing like a celeb does, but for a girl who lives in $15 tee shirts, it was a lot). Not one cent. I even had to ask my dad for help with my rent for the first time in 20 years. Humiliating with a capital H.

I didn't win. I came in third and got $100. During the finale I was misinformed as to where I was in the lineup so I wasn't ready when my name was called. No shoes, enjoying the show, chompin' on peppermints...NOT READY. It flustered me and my reaction to it was unprofessional (in that I shouldn't have reacted at all) and apparently my trying to make a joke of it made it worse and put me in a bad light to the audience. On top of that, one of the judges brought it up after I sang and threw me right under the bus with it. So if anyone was on my side while I was singing, they certainly weren't after her commentary. I felt really great about my chances of actually winning when I showed up that night. In all of ten minutes it came crashing down on my head.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Yes...I'll have the diva melt with a side of crow, please."

That was more humiliating than asking my dad for money and I'm not really sure how I got through the rest of the show, to be honest (guess I still had a little professionalism left...as in "it must go on."). I was sick to my stomach for two whole days afterward. Needing the Benjamins was only part of it. Mostly I hate how it made me look to people. I'm sick thinking about it even now. Twenty years from now I will recall this and get sick. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of L.A. and spend a couple days with a longtime, dear friend who gets me and doesn't expect me to be anything other than who I am (as annoying as that may be).

But on my way home that night, I gave a friend a ride cuz he lived nearby. And God bless him, I had a meltdown in front of his apartment about the whole thing. I won't mention his name because I didn't ask him if I could first, but that angel of a man said to me, "Well...I wanted to talk to you about starting voice lessons when you got back in town, would it help if I wrote you a check for July's lessons now? Then you can have it for New York."

I cried some more. We booked his weekly lesson time right there in the car. Thanks to him and that whopping $100 for third place I'd just won, I had just enough - and I mean JUST enough - to get through my week in New York. And we had the first of his lessons this past week.

Storm: Money and my alter ego Negative Nancy (more on her later).
Gift: He Who Shall Not Be Named.

But hold up. Before that happened, I must mention a little show I was asked to do at the last minute, which just may have changed my life a little bit. See...this is kind of a funny story...

I have this thing when I judge a singing contest...I fell like doing pieces of musical theater, particularly from more contemporary shows where you have to know the storyline to understand the lyric of the song, or there's excessive costuming (Wicked is a good example), just feels weird out of context. I've made mention of this to more than one contestant, my feeling being, if you're gonna pull out the song about meeting the wizard, you'd better paint yourself green. However...this has led to the very nasty rumor that I hate musical theater.

NOTHING is further from the truth. When I was a kid, Broadway was my plan. I've done Annie several times, Guys and Dolls, You Can't Take It With You, the great and almost never done Once Upon A Mattress, several Broadway review-type shows, Everyman (a morality play) and countless performances of classic show tunes throughout college. Once I left college in Nashville, TN, however, my knowledge of theater didn't get me very far. Nashville is NOT a theater town. So I switched gears and became a studio singer and my career then took a different path.

So, my friend Paulie decides to put on a Broadway review show benefiting the Los Angeles Gay Rodeo Association at Oil Can Harry's, the same place where "Fame" takes place every week (yes Brokeback fans, there really ARE gay cowboys - and girls). I find out through the grapevine that literally everyone I know is going to be in this show...but me. I. mean. EVERYONE. I finally go to Paulie and ask if I'd done something wrong (cuz if I had I'd certainly want to right it) and he gives me this great big hug and says, "No no no of course not!" So I say, "Okaaaaaaay...then how come you didn't ask me to be in it?"

Serious as a heart attack he replies, "Because you hate Broadway..."

*beating head on wall*

So I set him straight and then mercilessly teased him for a good solid month or two about it. The show was called "Not Your Mama's Broadway," but I kept calling it "Not Darci's Broadway" and "The Show Everyone's In But Me." I must say he took it like a man.

Well it turned out that one of his soloists had to drop out at the last minute because she was in another show that was also opening that weekend. Just days before I had said to him, "I know I'm giving you so much crap but seriously, if there's anything you need help with, don't hesitate to ask." So Paulie calls me on a Wednesday afternoon - opening show was that Sat at 2pm - and asks if I could please step in and sing "Don't Rain On My Parade" and then, "pick something else you wanna sing." I was shocked, cuz I was prepared to do the door or something...but I said, "Of course!" And I did NOT give him crap, cuz he sounded so frazzled. I said I'd find a second song and let him know what it was asap. And I wanted to do a song that was truly a theatrical piece...not just the typical stuff a pop singer might pull out to pass by like "I Don't Know How To Love Him" or (in my case) something from Dreamgirls. I wanted to PROVE that I did NOT hate Broadway! About 15 minutes later, with the help of my awesome friend Candy, who has lots of Broadway show sountracks, I'd settled on the very funny show-stopper from Monty Python's Spamalot, "The Diva's Lament."

Well, I had two days to learn this song and brush up on "Parade" (cuz I hadn't sung it without a karaoke monitor in years), meet and try to "bond" with a cast that either a) didn't know me from Adam or b) only knew me as the rock chick who hated Broadway, and find appropriate costuming for "Lament." For "Parade" I just decided to wear a dress and look nice, since the song is such a standard, but I had to actually costume for "Lament." The only picture I got was of my makeup on the first night (and it got way crazier as the shows went on - bluer shadow, ginormous lashes, bigger and redder lips):

So anyway...check out Sara Ramirez doing this song, which won her a Tony a few years ago. This character is the diva bitch to end them all. I was kind of scared because I haven't done a stitch of acting since college. The auditions I go on usually require me to be myself on a happy pill or two. I had to figure this out.

I did. Though I didn't have time to really live in the role or even in the song before I performed it, I got it enough to get crazy rousing applause throughout my performances and even a standing ovation when I did it as my closing number for the "Fame" contest I didn't win. I don't mention that to pat myself on the back. I mention it because doing this piece had re-lit a fire in my belly I hadn't felt in a good 16 or 17 years. It was "Wow...I forgot how much FUN this is!" and "Wow - I forgot that I CAN do this!" Even, "Wow - I really DON'T hate Broadway!" What a magical feeling that was. And my neighbor Matt got to come see it and his whole life has been nothing but show tunes and cabaret acts as a theatrical sound, lighting and set designer. He's been on me for years to do some cabaret and I keep saying no, that's not what I do. I'm a rock chick, maybe when I'm 50. So I knew he'd give it to me straight. All he really said was, "See?? I KNEW you could do this." Which to me, was HUGE. The very next week I went on an audition for the touring show of Rock of Ages with my friend Regan. First Broadway-type audition I'd done in seven years. They "typed me out" cuz they weren't moving along fast enough and therefore didn't even hear me sing, but still, I went. And I'll go to others.

Storm: talent insecurity.
Gift: Paulie.

So this now, finally, leads me to my AMAZING week in New York City! This should be a whole blog unto itself. Dang, where do I start??? Well...you can take a look at a bunch of pics here first, then read the details following...

I got there late on a Friday evening into Newark airport (eh...JFK next time) and took an $80 cab to Levi's place. Fortunately, a nice young gentleman who could tell I was an outsider (even though I was born and raised in Upstate New York, it's pretty obvious I'm not a Manhattanite), said he'd share a cab with me, so it only ended up being $40. Another gift.

Levi's sweet significant other Jason was home waiting for me, as Levi had an MDQ show and a rehearsal for the Tonys afterward that night. We had a slice of pizza (yay!!!) and a very nice visit getting to know each other a little. He's gorgeous and gracious. And therefore of course, NOT batting for my team. *sigh*

Levi finally came home and he kept yelling, "YAY! YAY! YAY!!!" over and over while giving me a good ole fashioned East Tennessee squeeze, while Jason laughed at our ridiculousness. I have really missed him. And that hug hit the spot, even moreso than that yummy slice I had just gotten done eating. That's saying a lot, because cheese-laden, grease-pooling, carb-based foods, especially those authentically of New York, are my drug of choice.

We didn't stay up long, he was understandably exhausted, I had jet lag from hell and tomorrow he had two shows to do. But the next morning when I got up, he was grumpy. Jason and I were like, "Er?" About an hour after he left for the theater, he was back. Sick as a dog. The director sent him home and his understudy stepped in. Now...for about a month and a half every Tony nominee has done their eight shows a week (they only get Mondays off), PLUS appearances on radio, tv, special show performances and now Tony rehearsals in whatever time is leftover. So they don't REALLY get Mondays off. It's grueling.

And then he read the winner predictions. *rolling eyes*

So, I'm not surprised his body rebelled. But in a way - which will no doubt make me sound like a cold-hearted, twisted wench - I am grateful, because it turned out that we had some extra time to chill out and chat while he was home taking it easy on that day before the awards. That was certainly not an ideal circumstance, but I flew in early knowing there'd be virtually no visiting time due to his schedule. So...

Storm: Levi's intestines.
Gift: Extra time with Levi. (Sorry, Booger!)

Saturday night Levi put me up at the Hampton Inn Midtown so he and Jason could enjoy some peace and quiet on the eve of the awards, because Levi had Tony dress rehearsal at - are you ready - 7-freakin-45 the next morning. Ladies and gentlemen...THIS is why entertainers shouldn't be expected to do ANYTHING for free outside of charitable performances. YOU try to sing and dance at 7:45am! Just sayin'. Anyway, the Hampton Inn's service was WONDERFUL and I enjoyed being totally alone that night in a big fluffy bed just watching local tv and keeping up with my "Angels Over Nashville" stuff. Sunday morning dawned, I slept in, then went seeking out a place to get my nails done. I walked for ten blocks to a place the nice woman at the front desk suggested only to find they were CLOSED! On a Sunday??? So I walked some more and found another.

Mom is probably freaking out right now that I walked the mean streets of New York all by myself in broad daylight. But yes, I did it. And no one tried to mug me...even though Midtown is really kinda gross. No offense, New Yorkers. But it done stank down there.

Took my time getting ready for the show. It started raining. No lie. And not a sprinkle...it was POURING. I'm pretty convinced that it would NOT have rained if I hadn't been going to the Tonys that particular year. The remainder of my alternate ego Negative Nancy likes to just make sure I know she's still there on occasion, at the ready to screw things up. Anyway...had help grabbing a car by the delightfully kind staff at the hotel and made it to Levi's, where I was meeting up with him, Jason and Levi's mom and Dad, Connie Lee and Ronnie (who are quite possibly the cutest parents ever). We took some pictures and then we were on our way.

Me and Booger all dressed up.

Thankfully the rain had pretty much stopped by the time we got there. I remember getting out of the car at Radio City Music Hall in front of the VIP entrance and the gentleman who opened the door for me gave me a big smile and said, "Wow, GREAT dress!" I even think he was straight! DOH! After all of us but Levi were dropped off (he was then taken to the red carpet entrance, which - UNSPEAKABLY - he had to do alone because no one was allowed to bring their dates; even the rest of the cast of MDQ weren't allowed to walk the carpet, even though their show was nominated for best musical...whoever decided that is a jerk...what was the point???), we hung out in the lobby till they opened the doors to seating. At some point Christopher Walken walked right past me, he was two inches from me. I squeezed Jason's arm and was all, "OMG Christopher Walken!" Dude was unimpressed. Or maybe just dazed from keeping Levi hyper-organized through all this...

We were seated in the section reserved for the MDQ peeps (except for Levi and Jason, who were right up front), on the floor off to the right. All the cast and their wives (there's only one female in the show, shout out to the very sweet Elizabeth Stanley) and the show's creative team...plus Levi's parents, me and his friends John and Paul (whom I met on my previous visit to NYC with Levi in 2006). After that, most of the show was a blur. A big, loud, fun blur. It was surreal watching Levi do a piano duet with Sean freakin' Hayes (of whom I'm a HUGE fan) and to realize he was playing on the stage of freakin' Radio City. WHAT??? When it came time for Levi's category Connie Lee and I were just completely dazed. But this is how it went from my seat:

Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes do their shtick. Kristin announces all the nominees. She says, "And the award goes to...L--" and our entire section was on their feet screaming and flipping out like it was the Superbowl or something. And then I started crying. I'd gotten a little misty-eyed watching him perform, but this was full-on-my-eyelashes-are-gonna-fall-off crying.

Rewind: I love to tell the story of how Levi and I would write songs together at his Sherman Oaks apartment back before he'd even workshopped MDQ. We'd work on the chords and melodies on his piece-o-shite, one-legged piano (which I now have) and then go downstairs to his parking garage and sit on his washer and dryer and work on the lyrics. And...uh...chain smoke cigarettes (we have both quit, now). We'd talk about getting our songs cut by famous people, or he'd finally get a real record deal and become famous himself, and of course we'd win Grammies and perhaps even an Oscar for our songs. Never once did we discuss a Tony. Neither of us being theater folk (he too began his career in Nashville, where we attended college together), it never remotely crossed our minds. But this level of success for him as an artist, we certainly did talk about. So for me to be a part of this moment in his life and career, having watched first hand how he struggled and wrestled with his music and himself for years (all artists have their demons) and at many times with me (family has ups and downs, even family of choice), was an overwhelming, beautiful and extremely moving experience. I am so very honored that he wanted me to be there and so very proud of what he has accomplished - not just as an artist, but as a human being. And the thing is, there are several people who SHOULD have been there instead of me, who've seen more than I and believed in him even longer. I would just like you to know that I was extremely aware of that then and now and I brought you with me in my heart.

Immediately after Levi gave his acceptance speech and left the stage, I looked over and saw Levi's mom with a still-dazed smile on her face and his daddy with his face in his hands, gently weeping. Whatever happened after that didn't matter.

After party. I don't actually know where it was or what it was called, I just know that we followed one of the MDQ producers (I think), a couple blocks to the place in our freakin' heels and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain and the humidity by the time we got there. But as soon as I walked in the door I saw teeny tiny Kristin Chenoweth talking to folks at the bar and that made things better (I would like to take this moment to ask her to PLEASE eat a sandwich - I realize you're only 3'2" but if that storm had come back, it would have blown you back to L.A., darling). Ronnie, Connie Lee and I hit the restrooms and then the food. All sorts of weird appetizers were zipping around the room...I had some kind of bleu cheese and pear pizza that Connie Lee didn't care for. Lots of shrimp, some yummy things they called "rice balls" (which I had to pick peas out of - ACK!!! - but otherwise the bomb) and the most deeeeeeeeelish filet mignon on a stick EVAH. And I drank 16 glasses of water. At least. Those awards shows are loooooooong when you can't get up for a soda or a snack in the middle of it.

Then Levi arrived and it seemed the party was just getting started. Sean Hayes walked in. Cast members from both MDQ and Promises Promises (Sean's show) started filing in (I believe there was an award show viewing party for both shows at this particular restaurant before the after party). And then...DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!!

Daniel and Levi talking.

This leads me to the hands-down best part of the night...

Daniel meets Levi and promptly starts gushing uber-Britishly, "Oh my Gawd, you're FONTOSTIC, just bloody FONTOSTIC!!!" Levi's very polite, thanks him, they chat a little bit, I steal this picture. Afterward Levi sits down at the seat directly in front of me and excitedly says, "Oh my God, did you just see me with Elijah Wood???"

I'm all, "Dude...that's Harry Potter, not Frodo!"

And we start laughing giddily. Then he says, "Wait...who's Frodo?"

WORD FOR WORD, PEOPLE. This is why he keeps me around. To inform him of the level of import the people he meets and works with possess. *wink*

He's gonna kill me. But that was just too classic not to tattle.

At this point, poor Levi is wiped out from a month and a half of all this stuff plus being ill and rehearsing at the buttcrack that morning. So he said he just HAD to go home and get to bed. I must say I was reluctant to leave because it seemed that just then was when all the celebrities were beginning to show up. But I'm a doofus and didn't even think to say, "Ok, do you mind if I just catch a cab later?" Cuz when am I EVER going to be in a room like THAT again??? And I know he wouldn't have cared. But I didn't think of that till later, cuz I was too, still in a bit of a daze that my friend had just won an effin' Tony Award for banging the crap out of a piano till his fingers bleed eight times a week and I got to be there to see it! The last celeb I saw as I was leaving was Swoosie Kurtz (LOVE her), doing some serious damage to the dessert table. Not that I'm judging. We ALL did.

And so our evening was done. Connie Lee, Ronnie and I shared a cab back to our perspective hotels (we were mere doors away from each other and since NY keeps building up and up, that means the door to my hotel and theirs was about 100 feet away), Levi and Jason to their place, and I assume we all crashed. I went to sleep that night feeling grateful, blessed, inspired and hopeful for my own future. Levi and I had joked on Saturday about how random it was for someone who's never taken an acting class or whose music has never possessed a hint of the standard theatrical to be nominated for this particular award ("By the way...here's a Tony for you...oh go on, just take it...we've got more.")...so I think I can safely say, without offense to my boo, that if Levi Kreis can win his butt a Tony, then Darci Monet's only obstacle surely is herself.

Storm: Private career and friendship stuff (and some literal rain).

Gift: Public career and friendship stuff...my brutha-from-anutha-mutha won a Tony and I was there!

And with this, I will end Part One of this blog for now, since it's after midnight already and I have much more to share regarding the remainder of my NY trip and the "Angels Over Nashville" benefit. More gifts to come...

PROGRESS REPORT ON "GO ON" MUSIC VIDEO!

2010-04-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

If you are a member of my Facebook fan page then you know we've been VERY hard at work on the video. There are tons of pictures and video snippets of our shoots there for your perusal. We are so pleased with what we have so far, I believe we are making a beautiful, meaningful video that will bring a message of hope and encouragement to whomever watches and I can't wait to have it done!

Alas...we are at the point where our shoestring budget is seriously slowing us down. We have two more shooting days to go and they are very ambitious scenes (like...we're really kind of crazy to think we can accomplish this without major label help, but we're pressing on anyway). This is where I, Director Chris, Producer Jacole and our crew could really use your help. There are two ways:

1) If the Spirit moves you, we are taking monetary donations to help us finish the video. All donors' names will be listed in the credits, unless you'd prefer to stay anonymous (sincerest thanks to a donor whose generous gift has gotten us this far already as well as to all our amazing actors and crew members who've worked so hard for us thus far). Wouldn't you like to see an unsigned artist's video racking up some serious numbers on sites like VH1.com, MTV.com, YouTube, etc.? And wouldn't it be a nice change from the...ummm...other kinds of videos? We're really trying to make an amazing tiny movie that will reach people with a message of love. And my dream is actually be invited to sing this song at the grand opening of the NEW Twin Towers when that day comes. Wouldn't THAT rock? You could be directly responsible for making it happen! Oh...and I've kinda got a birthday coming up on May 12th. This would make the best. gift. EVER.

TO DONATE TO THE "GO ON MUSIC VIDEO FUND" YOU CAN CLICK ON "THE TIP JAR" TO THE RIGHT. If you do not have a PayPal account, no worries, they take credit and debit cards from non-members, safely and securely. Thank you in advance for your generosity and belief in our project!

2) We are looking for someone IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA who would be willing to donate the use of their property for our final shoot day, tentatively scheduled for sometime in June. We need the look of natural sprawl - grass, trees, at least 50 yards of walkable space (that's half a football field), no signs of domestication like buildings or billboards or anything like that. We need a giant space where a very large group of people can be filmed strolling through. If you or anyone you know (or anyone they know who knows someone who might know someone else, etc.) has a great big heart AND GREAT BIG PROPERTY , PLEASE contact us immediately at go.onmusicvideo@gmail.com. Including photos of the property would be a big, phat, awesome bonus. And all will be left EXACTLY as we found it. You may query, "But Darci, why don't you just film at a park somewhere?" Cuz there's all sorts of paperwork to file and chaperones to hire and permits to pay the city to be able to do that. L.A. don't let ya get away wit NUTTIN. We know there is a benevolent property owner out there who wants to help us.

Again, thanks for your help in any way you can give it. :-)

Magic at the Castle

2010-04-03T00:38:00.000-07:00

"You were the best! Bessie Smith...Mahalia Jackson...your instrument f&*%$!g blew. me. away!" An older gentleman pokes her shoulder, she briefly glances over. "Oh s%@!, dad really wants to get out of here. Can you believe my dad is making me go home? You were great! Bye!"

~The always eloquent Ms. Cybill Shepherd's words to me after the show last night.

Yeah...that did NOT suck. And I couldn't wait till all the way till the end to tell you what she said! So here are the rest of the details of one of the most fun nights I've ever had in my nine years in Los Angeles...

So one day a couple weeks ago my dear old friend Mark Aaron James sends me a Facebook message and says, "Hey Jim Caruso's Cast Party is coming to L.A. - it's a really cool thing and I can connect you with him if you want to sing at it."

Backstory: Cast Party is the most famous open mic in the country. Maybe the world. It happens every Monday night at Birdland in New York City and is hosted by show biz vet Jim Caruso and often has the world reknowned pianist/arranger/producer/composer Billy Stritch (who is apparently so busy he doesn't have time for a real website) on piano. Cast Party is the buzziest and grooviest place in town, as "the greatest singers in the world...and some other people" (as Jim is fond of saying) have shown up to perform and/or hang out (Judith Light, Liza Minelli, Parker Posey...just a few of the names I've heard bandied about). Jim and Billy, longtime friends and Liza's homies, decided to "Why Not?" a Casty Party out here in L.A. and they chose the world famous Magic Castle for their venue.

Now...we all know I'm a bit of a rock chick/pop girl. I am grossly under-educated in matters of cabaret and musical theater, because Nashville, where I studied music in college, just doesn't have much of a theater or cabaret community. Once moving to L.A., well...tv and movies eclipse theater and cabaret out here. It certainly doesn't get the same respect it does in NY. That said...I had no clue who Jim Caruso was and I had barely an inkling of who Billy Stritch was (and probably only because my neighbor is the sound guy at L.A.'s last true cabaret room, The Gardenia - which also needs its own website - and he's probably worked with him at some point and brought him up in conversation). One also should know that everytime I've been assured that "important people" will be attending a show, it's usually a big, fat, hairy lie, so I rather nonchalantly said, "Sure. Why not."

Disclaimer: Not that my friend Mark's a liar, I don't think he's ever actually heard of the word, but in the entertainment biz, things can happen...and then again, things might not...

Fast forward. I do my research. I'm all, "Oh crap. They aren't kidding around." I talk a lot with Mark via The Book and I say I'm gonna do Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind" (my go-to song for cabaret-type gigs). He informs me that a) Billy Stritch doesn't care to do Billy Joel (blasphemy!!! although if I were him, I'd probably think that NEVER would be too soon to ever play or hear "Piano Man" again, too - actually, I think that and I'm NOT him) and b) there is a strict NO BALLADS policy (cue the Soup Nazi bellowing, "NO BALLADS FOR YOU!"). I'm all, "Double crap. What am I gonna sing???"

Uptempos for rock shows? Check. Uptempos for cabaret? Waaah waaah waaaaaaaah.

Yes. I'm a vocal coach. I should know more standards and musical theater, especially since I was in a jazz vocal group in college. And I should DEFINITELY hand in my fruit fly card. Now that we're all done tsk-tsking me, let's carry on.

Long story short, following lots of irritating emails to Mark (bless his patient little heart), I decide on Robert Johnson's "Crossroads Blues" (funny, on my very first blog on here, I quoted verses from it, which I just at this moment recalled...spoooooooky!). I figure every piano player knows their 12 bar blues progression, I used to sing the song with my band back in Nashville so I already knew it and we could swing it just enough to fit into the cabaret atmosphere while still letting my inner-black girl peek through ever-so-slightly. It would really take some WORK to screw it up.

Well. Let's not forget who I am. My name is Darci Monet, and I'm a self-sabotager. I'm in recovery, but sometimes I just don't hold on tightly enough to the wagon.

So I'm ready to do my thang. My friend Candy wants to come along with me, but when she calls to get tickets, they were SOLD OUT!!! OH NOOOOOO!!!

Then it occurs to me...oh my God. What if I was supposed to buy a ticket for MYSELF? Every other open mic in the world comps their singers...but this isn't every other open mic in the world, it's Jim Caruso's Freakin' Cast Party at the members-only Magic Freakin' Castle and even though Jim knows I'm coming to sing I STILL HAVE NO TICKET TO GET IN!!!

Panicked phone calls to the event coordinator at the castle and anyone working there who might help me (no one can). Rifling through emails. I find my original correspondence with Jim and THANK YOU BABY JESUS he had written, "I will put you on the singer's list and comp your ticket. Yay! Can't wait!"

Fortunately I was already sitting down otherwise my knees would've buckled with relief. I really thought I had shot myself in the foot. AGAIN. After all my hemming and hawing over what to sing and coming up with music and yada yada...choosing not to take the easy way out and make the "I don't have time to get anything together" excuse...*phew*! To be safe, I printed out that mo fo email to bring with me and highlighted the "comp your ticket" part. Take THAT, Exclusive Magic Peoples' Club! Das right! You bettah step!

But what to do about my friend Candy? So we decide to make a plan. She could be my roadie. ??? She's my personal assistant. ??? She's my backup singer. ??? Well...it's an open mic...supposedly anyone can sing, right? Finally, Candy picks a song and learns it...just in case. We will weasle her in somehow so I don't have to sit through the show alone sweating it out till my turn, even if she's forced to get up and sing "Bare Necessities" to do it.

You should know that Candy is a brilliant professional artist (she designed my most recent album cover). And while she has a pleasant voice and looooves to sing, it is not her profession. I think her willingness to get up in front of a crowd of people who do it for a living is a testament to what a good friend she is. It's also a testament to how badly she wanted to go to The Magic Castle. Cuz surriously, that pad is pimpin'.

Fast forward. Magic Castle last night. Our covert operation begins. We have our sheet music at the ready. We have our story planned. Our teeth are clenched. Our palms are sweaty. I ask the spirit of the Great Houdini to send us a little magic.

"Yes Ms. Monet, here are your tickets and your table number."

TWO TICKETS IN THE ENVELOPE!!! AND A RESERVED TABLE???

The best case scenario of which I had dreamed was that I'd have a comp, Candy would still have to pay the $20 to get in and we'd both have to mill about the bar in our heels all night long dodging Jim so Candy wouldn't really be forced to sing. But no...we were both comped, we had a table and Candy could just have a jolly good time with no worries.

Thanks, Harry.

The door from the lobby into the castle itself is actually a bookcase that opens when you say "Open Sesame" to it. No lie. Then we were sent through a maze of hallways and dining rooms, up stairs and down till we got to whatever the room was where the show was to be held. The Castle looked like the inside of the Titanic or some other Victorian or Edwardian era ship...gaudy, garish, gilded and right up my stylistic alley (I was definitely born in the wrong century). Afterward we nosed around a bit to see all we could see for as long as my sore feet could manage, but for now we concentrated on finding wherever this room was. I was pretty sure we'd need a Marauder's Map to help us find our way out later.

We get there and find our seats and then I introduce myself to the absolutely delightful Jim Caruso. So nice. And not fake nice like L.A. folks...genuine, New York nice (cuz when New Yorkers are not nice, that's JUST as genuine, trust me). We briefly went over how everything works, I'd give my music to Billy when I was summoned up, Jim would chat with me on mic a bit, then I'd let 'er rip. Hilariously though, when he asked what I was singing and I told him, this was his face:

No CLUE what song I was talking about. At that moment I was really glad I'd gone with 12 bar blues, cuz that way Billy needn't have heard of it, either!

So we watch the people file in. I see my friends Jacole Kitchen (she's a theater agent and one of her clients was singing), L.A. Talk Radio's Tony Sweet, talented actor/singer Jeffrey Landman (seriously people...get online!) and I *think* I saw WeHo's King-of-Karaoke Kenny Morse, but I can't be 100% sure cuz he was across the room and I didn't get a chance to go say hi cuz he was surrounded by his adoring fans and connections (dude knows EVERYONE).

And then I saw Cybill. And I thought, "Wow...she is TALL. And still really beautiful."

And it was soon time to start the show. Erich Bergen opened up by facetiously singing Britney Spears' "I'm Not A Girl/Not Yet A Woman." He was funny...and he's super cute. And he made fun of soul singers who do lots of licks and runs and conduct themselves while singing. I leaned over to Candy and said, "He's making fun of me and doesn't even know it."

So who gets called up next?

Ayup. Me. And my little non-theatrical blues tune, licks and runs prepped.

Billy REALLY swang it...swung it?...swinged it?...it was swinging. It became a jazz standard. Which I suspected would happen but still wasn't entirely prepared for. But that's okay. I went to school for this. RIGHT??? Right. So I swangswungswinged it, too. And laced it with gospel, cuz I just can't help myself. And the spotlight was so bright in my eyes that I could only see the silhouettes of all the heads in the room...Candy was hidden behind Billy at my right (his back was to our table all night) and I could ever so slightly make out Jacole smiling at me to my left, but otherwise - blind as a freakin' bat. It's better that way. Cuz then I might've seen some of the other folks I was singing to in the room besides Cybill and I'd have flipped out. The joint was packed. And I mean packed. Not a single seat open, almost shoulder to shoulder in the bar. And when I finished, there was the kind of applause I've not heard in a very long time. Not, "Dude this band is cool!" applause. Not, "Dude, that backup singer's pretty good" applause. Not "I'm so sloshed, I LOVE karaoke!" applause. Not even, "Girl can saaaang!" applause.

It was "Holy crap, who was THAT?" applause.

All the misery and rejection that comes with choosing a career in entertainment all becomes worth it when those very rare moments happen. It is a sensation I sincerely wish everyone on the planet could experience at least once in his or her lifetime.

And maybe I just imagined it. Maybe I only wanted it to sound like that in my ears so I just conjured it up for you. I suppose you'll have to ask those who were there for realz. Anyone who's followed my blog lately knows that if ever I needed such a pick-me-up, now would be a good time. So even if it was only the angels I heard cheering for me (a psychic once told me that she saw a vision of me singing and there were angels all around me, isn't that the coolest?), I am still grateful for it, because there is no salve to my heart more effective than feeling like I have brought joy to people with my gifts - particularly in a town where it's so easy to allow yourself to slip into feelings of uselessness. Plus, merely a month ago I was on strict voice rest and literally couldn't even produce sound and I'm still not at 100% so I wasn't entirely sure what might have come out. Coulda been all manor of caterwauling going on! So I have to say that for a person who's been spending more time teaching people how to sing than singing herself lately, I felt great about how I did and the reaction it garnered.

Mischief managed.

And then?

THEN. IT. WAS. ON.

Great performance after funny, great performance. A dude who used shaving cream to sculpt himself into different characters (what??? yes!!! I only wish I remembered his name!). And...

Miss Coco Peru.

Joely Fisher.

Joanne Worley.

The AMAZING Melissa Manchester (!!!).

and of course, Cybill Shepherd.

And there were many, many others whose names I was not familiar with but who are movers and shakers and beloved entertainers within the cabaret and theater world who sang and/or were enjoying the show. I know I am forgetting some of the big deal folks who were there...like Gary Smith (!!!!)...and Larry O'Keefe...I should've taken notes...but it was just OMG after OMG after OMG all through the show. Candy and I were getting tired but we didn't dare leave till the bitter end because we didn't want to miss any more surprises! The show was upbeat, hilarious (our cheeks hurt by halfway through) and joyful and it was a GREAT time. And I think I saw more famous people in one room in that night than I have in all my years in this city.

And so I thank misters Mark Aaron James, Jim Caruso and Billy Stritch for orchestrating such a wonderful shot in the arm for me - and no doubt many others - last night. And I cannot wait till the next one! Whether I sing or not, whether I have to sell my kidney to get a table (which is entirely possible), I'm gonna get me a few hours of New York right here in L.A. on May 26th. My ONLY complaint was the absence of Neil Patrick Harris.

Let's work on that for next time, shall we?

If you live in NYC, you can experience this uber-coolness EVERY Monday night at Birdland. Check Jim Caruso's Cast Party website for the details.

And now, me and my little voice are going to sleep, to dream of my upcoming NYC trip, now that I've got a little reminder...